Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Irene's "History and Origins of Follower's Adornment Techniques - Part II" (You knew there was going to be a Part II, didn't you?)

The "Booty" Undulation

Question: "Wow, Ms. Irene, I love the way that Ms. Visiting Nubile Professional's hips undulate in time with the music - it's sooooo groovy. ALL the guys are looking at the way her be-hind vibrates Dos por Cuatro. I REALLY WANT this kind of attention. Where did this move come from and can I do it too?"

Answer: Firstly and once again, a caveat: The "Booty" Undulation Tango Technique ("B.U.T.T." for short) is ONLY for professionals. For us mere tango mortals, our "Booties" are merely nature's way of ensuring that our legs remain firmly connected to our waists. The only other unfortunate function of our "Booties" are as repositories for cellulite and excess calories from overconsumption of Burger King and candy bars - just in case we have to hibernate or something and need layers of extra fat to last us through the lean cold winters, or if we want to make the most of tiny economy airplane seats.

But to answer the first part of your question: Where did B.U.T.T. come from? That's tricky. Now, since I am forbidden by a newly enacted blog law to mention the words "Eugenia", "Parilla" or "Copycat", I'll have to break into "Ms. Irene's time capsule of vast, deep and non-essential knowledge" for this one.

Where did it come from, where did it come from? Could it be:

Beyonce's Booty Dance?

Nah, Beyonce's booty-wiggle is way too frenetic and too firm.

The Mandrill's colourful rear display?

While this surefire way to attract attention, the B.U.T.T. differs from our humble primate cousin's display in many respects. The B.U.T.T.: A lot less colour, a lot less scent, a lot more movement, and in addition, not meant to be at all reminiscent of the undulator's face.

What about Jell-O?

Hmmmmm............ The B.U.T.T. v.s Jello? The B.U.T.T.: Not as jiggly, and not quite as tasty (although I'm sure certain gentlemen would find the B.U.T.T. quite delicious in other ways).

What about Springs?

Weeeeeeeeelllll........ The B.U.T.T.: Maybe not as slinky. But the up-and-down wave-like undulation of both are just as hypnotic.

How about Jell-O on Springs?

Marilyn's tour-de-force performance in Billy Wilder's "Some Like it Hot"? I'd say Marilyn's derriere is bouncy, jiggly and springy and a beautiful thing in it's own right, but that doesn't amount to the amazing tango musicality and muscle control demonstrated on Friday night.

And the Winner IS (Drum roll please....)

The inspiration for B.U.T.T. could be no other than Five Time Mr. Universe, Seven Time Mr. Olympia, Actor, Director, Producer, Hollywood Superstar, and current Governor of California:

The Governator a.k.a. Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger

Who else would be able to exhibit the dexterity, the accurate motor control, the ripply muscles, and the precision mechanical alternating up-and-down musical action of the little B.U.T.T.* demonstrated at 1:10 below, than the Governator himself?

Who would have known? The origins of tango's current tsunami of undulating booty is Arnold Schwarzenegger's rippling man-Breasts.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Governor of California today - Tango Overlord tomorrow.

* a.k.a. Breast Undulating Tango Technique. Listen carefully, the tinkly background music is actually played at some milongas as Nuevo Tango!**

** Note that the lily pale girly-man just can't do the B.U.T.T., resulting in horrifying and scarring humiliation on national television. Mere Tango mortals are warned: do not to attempt this in public.

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