Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Dance Popularity Quotient

Are you an astounding dancer but a perennial wallflower? Are you an appalling dancer but have dance partners are lined up around the block for a chance to boogie with you?

Wonder no more at these and other "mysteries" of that "mysterious" dance called "Tango" - take this handy special Holiday Edition quiz to reveal your "Toronto Tango Dance Popularity Quotient"!

1. You are:

a) Male, under 30 (add 10 points)
b) Male, over 30 (add 10 points)
c) Male, Milonguero (add 50 points. You've got that extra-special Tango cachet)
d) Male, "Toronto Milonguero" (add 500 points. No, it doesn't mean you are necessarily as good a dancer as an actual "Milonguero" - not only are you often failing to improvise, you actually delight in doing the "bumper-car" on the dance floor. Your true popularity is all about the laws of geographical supply and demand)

2. You are:

a) Female, under 30 (add 25 points)
b) Female, between 30 - 40 (no points)
c) Female, over 40 (minus 25 points, with further 10 point deduction for every month over 45)

3. Guys, what are you wearing tonight?

a) Clean suit (add 25 points)
b) Sweaty suit (add 25 points)
c) Untucked shirt and baggy pants (add 25 points)
d) Shorts and Hawaii shirt (add 25 points)
e) Pajamas (add 25 points)

4. Ladies, what are you wearing tonight?

a) Cargo pants and tatty t-shirt (add 10 points)
b) Black and red dress with sequins and fringe (add 10 points)
c) Skirts with pants (add 10 points, and bonus 10 points because this is a costume signifying that you can also lead and you will ask other ladies to dance)
d) Something nice and classy that doesn't scream "TANGO"! (add 10 points)
e) Your skirt is so short your butt is hanging out/Your neckline is so low I can see your bellybutton (add 100 points)

5. Ladies, how about shoes?

a) Dance sneakers (add 10 points)
b) Tango shoes, but not 4 inch high Comme Il Fauts (add 10 points)
c) 4 inch high Comme Il Fauts (add 20 points)
d) Flip flops (add 10 points)
e) Barefoot (add 10 points)
f) One shoe on and one shoe off (you are obviously the belle of the ball)

6. Hairstyles for men:

a) Full head of hair (add 10 points)
b) No hair (add 10 points)
c) Balding (add 10 points)
d) Massive elaborate head-turning byzantine comb-over (add 10 points)
e) Toupee (add 10 points)

7. Men's dance skills:

a) Dance to the beat (add 10 points)
b) Don't dance to the beat (add 10 points)
c) Many dragging and leaning movements in your repetoire (add 10 points. Indeed, you must be the head of some Toronto Tango organization)
d) Many ganchos, voleos, colgadas and volcadas in your repetoire (add 10 points. See 7c) above)
e) You don't do "steps". "Steps" are for monkeys. Real men just walk with their eyes closed (add 10 points)
f) Sometimes you trip and drop your partner on the floor (You must be really good to be that fancy. Maybe you are an instructor! Add 20 points)

8. Women's dance skills:

a) No adornments (add 10 points)
b) Many adornments (add 10 points)
c) Continuous ochos (minus 10 points)
d) Spontaneous ganchos (minus 10 points)
e) You unintentionally flip your partner's "little brother" with your knee (minus 50 points)
f) Expressions of moist glistening ecstasy (add 50 points)
e) You unintentionally flip your partner's "little brother" with your knee while wearing an expression of moist glistening ecstasy (For some men, you can add 100 points. For other men, you can minus 1,000 points)

9. My conversations with my dance partners on the dance floor consist of:

a) Neutral chit-chat (add 5 points)
b) Blank awkward stares (no points)
c) Sarcasm (minus 5 points)
d) Mild flattery (add 10 points)
e) Unabashed pandering (add 20 points)
f) "Oh... My... GOD! You're the most AMAZING dancer in the world EVER. I don't even need a Medium! Your dancing totally channels the spirit of D'Arienzo/De Angelis/Di Sarli/Rodriguez/Pugliese etc. I SWEAR your dancing makes me feel POSSESSED!" (add 100 points)

10. Official Toronto Tango Status:

a) Male newbie (minus 5 points)
b) Female newbie (add 20 points)
c) Male veteran (add 20 points)
d) Female veteran (no points)
e) Tango DJ (add 25 points)
f) Tango Organizer (add 25 points)
e) Tango Instructor (no points. Last time I checked everyone in Toronto is an Instructor, so it isn't really that much of an advantage)
f) "Fabio" (add 100,000 points)

11. Bonus Round - "Literary Affiliations". You are:

a) Not a Tango Blogger (no points)
b) A Tango Blogger (add 25 points)
c) The Tango Blogger who blogs for "Irene and Man Yung's Tango Blog" (minus 50,000 points)

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Come on, guys!

This past weekend was filled with sad festivities as our milongas and the Toronto tangueras and tangueros got set to say good-bye to Victor Hugo.

We went to both Paradiso on Friday night as well as Victor's own Milonga Sentimental on Sunday night. The dancers were out in force. But no despidida would be complete without the age-old tradition of the "Goodbye Dance"! Legions of dancers lined up and patiently waited for their turn to orgydance with the departing one, and of course, the usual mild clichéd humor ensued - people cutting in the line, guys lining up with the girls to dance with Victor, guys doing adornments while dancing with Victor, etc., etc.

This was a great chance to watch all the followers in "action" with one of the top leaders in Toronto.

But hey guys, what happened? Where's the mile-a-minute toe tapping/knee-lifting/leg-flapping, the "not really following but putting on my own show", the "just doin' my own continuous ochos", the "you dance salon-tango while I flail around nuevo-tango style" and all those other fascinating following trends? With the exception of one newly-minted tango instructor/milonga organizer/disciple of "Fabio!" who has now adopted that shoulder spasm also known as "the shrug"- all the followers danced beautifully and actually followed. Is there some kind of "World Cup" of tango following going on that no-one has told me about? If that's true then judging from the beautiful dancing I saw last weekend Toronto is definitely a front-runner.

How depressing. Keep this up and I may have to lose my sense of humor.

Tango Hell - Sorry, only nine circles available! Reserve your spot now!

Tango "Fruits de Mer", Nuevo Flailers
Circle I Limbo

Toronto "Milongueros"
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Tango bumper-car navigators
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Face Dancers
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Tango Borg of Villa Mosquita
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Ta-Chango practitioners
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Tango resume exaggerees
Circle VII Burning Sands

Thrusters/Humpers/Pumpers/Grinders, Ex -Ballroom turned Tango expert "Re-Inventors"
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

I swear to god, I just pressed a key and this popped up all by itself!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Hasta Luego, Victor Hugo

This is from the broadcast email from Paradiso today:

Dear tango friends,
As most of you know, Victor Hugo Sanchez is going back to Mexico for an extended stay.
In recognition of his contribution to the Toronto Argentine tango community and because he is such a cool muchacho, Paradiso will have a special milonga in Victor’s honour on Dec. 12.
As we wish Victor “Bon Voyage”, we will be saying “Welcome” to Alison Murray and Carlos Boeri who will entertain us with a tango demonstration on the same night. It’s never boring at Paradiso!
$10 Admission this night includes class & milonga
8:30-9:30: class
9:30 - 2:00 am: milonga

We're going to make sure that we are going to be there - Victor is one great guy. His contribution to Toronto is undeniable. Not only is he a truly generous teacher with great musicality, he always dances from his heart. We're going to miss him and hope that he comes back soon.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Adela Galeazzi and Rino Biondi - Milonga Traspie

This proves that blogging is a truly public enterprise - Adela Galeazzi read my recent post about her and sent me a link to her muy lindo milonga traspie performance with Rino Biondi at Maipu 444. Enjoy!

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