Criteria

Thank god this isn't Regency-era Great Britain where if you want to dance, 

you have to dance with every single person in the room, even the ones who you feel are completely conceited, arrogant, disdainful and

 "The last man/woman in the world that you could ever be prevailed on to marry!"

Since Man Yung seems to dance every tanda with every lady at the milonga, many observers may think he is being indiscriminate and that he isn't making a conscious choice when he choosing a dance partner.

It may look haphazard on the surface, but in fact, Man Yung uses these criteria, in order of priority:

1.  Dance with friends sitting at the same table as us first.  

Therefore, the ladies sitting with us whom we have known for ages (some of them were the first tangueras who ever accepted a dance with Man Yung, back in 2004!) will get at least one tanda, sometimes two or three!

2.  Dance with friends who are not sitting with us.  

Once again, we have known these lovely ladies for a long time and have had conversations much longer than "How are you? Fine thank you!"  Man Yung is more likely to ask single ladies in this group more than those with partners.  Those with partners will usually have more dances because of those partners than the single ladies (and be more tired out from dancing), so Man Yung will choose the single lady first.  In addition, for those ladies with partners, Man Yung is more likely to dance with the ladies with partners who are not jealous, who are not offended and are perhaps a little amused by the fact that Irene won't dance with them, than those with partners who are jealous/are offended and/or think that Irene should return the favour by dancing with them if Man Yung dances with their partner. 

3.  Dance with acquaintances we say hello to.  

Note that for tangueras falling within #2 and #3, it is important that they actually like dancing with Man Yung and are happy to be asked.  Some tangueras we are friendly with don't like dancing with Man Yung - probably because dancing with him with his encyclopedia of 'fancy schmancy moves' can be a pain in the ass.  This is when cabeceo saves the day - if the lady isn't looking in Man Yung's direction, he shouldn't ask her to dance!

4.  Dance with Tangueras we don't know very well who are staring at Man Yung for the purpose of cabeceo.  

Man Yung is short-sighted but the relentless stare will psychically make itself felt.  Since we don't know the tanguera well enough to know whether she wants to dance, the staring helps to signal to Man Yung that the Tanguera wants to dance with him.  With all cabeceo, Irene gives her helping hand (eye) to confirm for Man Yung who is staring at him so that he can go dance and leave her alone to play Match-3 games on her phone.

5.  Dance with Tangueras who have been sitting a long time/the whole night without getting dance.

Man Yung wants everyone to enjoy the milonga and he would make a special effort to dance with the ladies who have not been getting as many dances that night.  Often, these ladies may be beginners or just not popular with the other tangueros because of age and/or looks and/or skill level (the harsh truth). Once again, it helps if the tanguera is trying to cabeceo Man Yung instead of being engrossed in conversation with her neighbours/looking at her phone/gorging herself on the complimentary snacks.

Two critera we believe are very important to many tangueros that are completely unimportant to Man Yung:

A) The skill level of Tanguera.  Quite a few times we have heard tangueros say, "You should go and dance with her!  She is a really good dancer!"

Man Yung's reaction:  "She can be the best dancer in the world with the most fantastic whizzing footwork but that's nothing to do with me!"  Man Yung is not about to go out of his way dancing with someone who dances fabulously (maybe even a visiting instructor), especially if that person doesn't really want to dance with him and would only dance out of politeness. 

Man Yung can have terrific dances with tangueras of all skill levels.  Man Yung is happiest if the tanguera actually wants to dance with him and enjoys dance with him and they have fun and can feel a connection dancing together. 

B) The Tanguera's looks.  Once again, harsh truth:  Young, beautiful tangueras with gorgeous figures are the indisputable favourites of tangueros all the world over, but these kinds of good looks will not gain points with Man Yung. According to Man Yung, "All ladies are beautiful!"  And the most beautiful ladies in tango are the ones who have lived their lives to the fullest, and are full of love and laughter and compassion and light which infuses their dance. LADIES WITH BEAUTIFUL SOULS.

****************************************************************************

"So, Irene, I know you only have enough energy to dance with me and the rest of the time you are tired and want to play games on your iPhone, but if you had to choose a tanguero to dance with, what would be your criteria?" asked Man Yung.

I paused my game just long enough to respond.  "He has to dance like Fred Astaire and look like Alain Delon!  I'll take George Clooney too, he's not bad."

"Wow, Irene, what a compliment - I must have the looks of Alain Delon and the moves of Fred Astaire for you to dance so much with me!" said Man Yung.

"No way Man Yung - I think it must be the other way round.  You have the dance moves of Clooney and the looks of Astaire, but I love you anyway!"

* I remember there are three kinds of ladies Man Yung doesn't like to dance with.  One is the lady who thinks she is a hot-shot.  Describing one recent one he danced with, Man Yung said, "She literally stood there between Tangos with her hands on her hips and her nose in the air!"  

The second, related type, I think, is a lady who "corrects" Man Yung as he is dancing with her.  "But that hasn't happened for a long, long time!" said Man Yung.  

The third kind of lady talks incessantly while she is dancing with Man Yung.  I think she wants to talk not because their conversation is engrossing, but because she wants to distract Man Yung from the fact that she isn't following very well - and how can you follow well when you are so busy gabbing away, so loudly that everyone on the dance floor can hear you?

No to Mr. Collins

Those pesky undesirable Jane Austen-esque suitors!  The more horrible they are, they more persistent they get.  Who could forget the famous scene in Pride and Prejudice, where Mr. Collins, the pompous, slimy cousin of the Bennetts, tries to propose to the heroine Elizabeth Bennett in the most condescending manner possible?

Don't you get it, man?  The answer is NO!

You may laugh, but indecent proposals may happen to you in Tango too!  Just to show you, here's a modernized version of the famous Pride and Prejudice scene, happening at a milonga near you:

Mr. Tango Collins (after having cornered Ms. Tango Lizzie even though she has been avoiding his cabeceo gaze all night):  Wanna dance?


Ms. Tango Lizzie: No thanks.


Mr. Tango Collins: You are just being shy.  I like shy girls - they're hot!  Almost as soon as I entered into the milonga, I singled you out as a desirable tango partner. You make me feel Tango Passion - I bet you can feel it too, baby. Dance with me - it'll be fun!


Ms. Tango Lizzie (looking elsewhere): I said no.


Mr. Tango Collins: Let me explain why you should say yes.  First off, I have the reputation of being a great dancer. Second, I am convinced that if you say yes, I will be very happy.  And third - my Tango teacher says that Tangueras should never refuse an invitation - it's not nice!  Why I'm asking you instead of so many hot young ladies at this milonga who are no doubt cat-fighting for a chance to go for a spin with me on the dance floor - well I know your Tango teachers aren't that great and you will be doing yourself a favour by dancing with me, because I am a great dancer.  I promise you that I won't yell at you if you trip on on my astounding triple enganche, triple colgada combo, even though I won't be pleased.  I'm fully aware that nobody can be quite as perfect as me.


Ms. Tango Lizzie: Offended - gives him the Evil Eye.


Mr. Tango Collins: I am not discouraged - it is trendy for Tangueras to say no the first, second, or even third time to a Tanguero they actually really want to say yes to.


Ms. Tango Lizzie: How about this - sod off!


Mr. Tango Collins (taken aback, but not completely deterred): I'll ask you again in a bit - and I expect you to say yes, because you are just playing hard to get to make me want to dance with you even more.


Ms. Tango Lizzie: You are completely delusional - I'm calling the police now.


Mr. Tango Collins: Come on!  How can you possibly refuse me?  I am a highly desirable partner.  I dance better than you, I've danced for longer than you, I have more Tango connections - heck, I have a resumé of having taken classes with - actually you can even say I've 'worked with' over 50 world-famous Tango professionals! I can even speak Spanish! You are not young, tall, skinny or athletic and your looks are only average.  It is highly unlikely that any other Tanguero will ask you dance tonight.  Don't miss your chance!


Ms. Tango Lizzie: Dials 911.  The big burly nurses from the insane asylum from which Mr. Tango Collins had escaped a mere 24 hours ago arrive.  They chase down Mr. Tango Collins, put him in a straitjacket, and drag him away.


Mr. Tango Collins (kicking and screaming): I know your mom and dad and I know they want you to dance with me - I'm going to tell on you and then you won't be able to refuse next time I ask!

OK, OK - I was exaggerating just a little bit when I wrote out the dialogue above - but really, some big headed Tangueros out there are thinking some or all of the above when a Tanguera refuses them!  I think most people (well, most people except the big-headed Tangueros) would agree, you've got to put these "Can't take no for an answer" buggers in their place.  However, we've received word from Chris of the UK that some teachers and organizers in his local community have mandated that no-one who goes to their classes or attends their milongas can say "No" to anyone else!

When we read Chris's comment, we thought: Fragile Egos? Low Self-Esteem? Can't Handle Rejection much? Do they want to turn back time on women's (and men's) lib to 3500 B.C. so that the little teeny weeny baby-men won't cry at the milonga?

What the "No Banners" don't get is this:  Everyone should have the personal freedom and right to say "No" to Mr. Wrong AND sometimes, it is entirely appropriate to say "No" to Mr. Right!  Just ask Jane Austen again:

Mr. Darcy may be "Mr. Right", but sometimes to you have to "No" him too!

Not only is Mr. Darcy "Man Enough" to handle rejection - he becomes a better person for it.  Why else would 88% of the women in the world want to live happily ever after with someone exactly like Mr. Darcy?

The final tally is this:

1.  No to Mr. Collins:  Lizzie doesn't have to endure Mr. Collins triple enganche triple colgada combo, and doesn't even have to sit at the side of the milonga danceless the whole night.  Indeed, Lizzie finds a much better match and happiness forever after with Mr. Darcy.

2.  No to Mr. Darcy:  Mr. Darcy realizes what an ass he has been despite all his beautiful walk and giros - works harder on his musicality and embrace and becomes the perfect Tanguero.

3.  Yes to Mr. Collins:  Charlotte hastily accepts Mr. Collins after Lizzie rejects him.  Sure, she's got a dance partner for life - but she doesn't really want to dance with him, and spends all her time avoiding being even at the same milongas as him.  When she has to dance with Mr. Collins, he keeps on teaching her on the dance floor because he doesn't know how to lead and now, he will never have the incentive to ever learn.  AND, none of the good Tangueros in the milonga would never dance with Charlotte knowing that she is the partner of Mr. Collins - as he is just a little teeny weeny baby-man, he really might start to cry!