Saturday, November 11, 2017

How to look like a Maestro* in front of other Maestros

* OK, maybe not really like a Maestro, but at least not like a turd.

It's "Tango Festival" time!  Or "Visiting Maestro(s)" time!  I think every tango community has experienced it - when reknowned, famous, very important glamourous and amazing tango professionals from Buenos Aires (well, at the very least "not from here" or "from the next village over") drop in on our humble communities for special, big, huge, mega awesome events.

As everybody knows, when Tango VIPS visit, everyone puts on their poshest tango outfits and shiniest tango shoes.  They dance beautiful elegant steps, always follow the compas and pay special attention to floorcraft and safety on the dance floor.  That's because the presence of Tango Maestro-y Greatness is so inspiring.   I can say with a completely straight face - these are occasions that truly bring out the best tango in everyone.

I lie!  It actually brings out the WORST!

Fast dancers dance 500% faster!

Dancers who know a million steps too many suddenly know a gazillion more!

Adornistas who adorn excessively completely forget how to follow and just do machine gun adornment drills around their partners!

Leaders who bump into other people...well they bump a whole lot more.

And why?

They just want the visiting Maestros to look at them and say "Good Job!"

I know you were aiming for "Great Job" and not just "Good".   

Come on people, all the stuff you are doing to impress the Maestros is just making them laugh!

Dancing faster doesn't make you look more professional, it makes you look like you drank too much coffee and Red Bull. 

Dancing a gazillion tricky steps (and falling over your own feet) is the Tango equivalent of verbal diarrhea.  Let's just call it what it is: Tango Diarrhea.

I'm not going to say anything about adornos.  It is very entertaining to see ladies doing a merry adorno jig around their partners and any entertainment when you are paying double the price for half the fun is appreciated.

Bumping of course, is obviously not a sign of Tango Greatness.  It is the sign of a Tango asshole.

Folks, dancing like this is not the way to impress a Tango Maestro.

You must do the opposite.  Dance SLOWLY like you have all the time in the world.  Dance only a few steps CLEANLY and CORRECTLY and TO THE MUSIC, because you enjoy it and not because you want people to look.  Stop doing auto adornos.  And STOP BUMPING OTHER PEOPLE.

All in all, dance like YOU are the Maestro and like you don't give a damn about any thumbs up. 

In any case, the Maestros are not even looking.  They are too busy drinking maté/beer, chatting with their friends, and worrying about how they will look when they dance/perform.  Because they would like you to clap and applaud and say "Good Job" too!*

* "Ah, Irene, now I know why you dance the way you do at Tango Festivals," said Man Yung.  "I was wondering why you are leading like you have drank Red Bull and a triple Espresso with no concern for music or other people and you are laughing your head off while doing it.  You know the Maestros aren't looking!  It's a free for all, dance floor Armageddon and no-one will give you thumbs up or down.  It's like hiding in plain sight.  Good job!"

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