Monday, March 26, 2012

The Evil Eye (The Chinese Way)

Breaking News: Neither myself nor any of the other dancers at the popular Sunday milonga needed to use the "Evil Eye" against anyone last night!  Everyone danced in a heavenly, orderly, considerate manner  - even the former "worse offenders" (well, more or less) of Toronto Tango! 

How much more enjoyable it was to dance without having to dodge out of the unpredictable path of charging maniacs, avoid collisions and/or get crashed into!  People could enjoy the music more - and even dance better.  I've already written about the wonderful Toronto Tangueras/Milongueras (the ladies in Toronto dance really really well) did you know that more and more Toronto Tangueros are dancing with the musicality and feeling of Milongueros?  In fact, we complimented two gentlemen last night on their very milonguero dancing.  Without having to worry about dancefloor sabotage/el mundo de Tango Roller Derby, we can get down to some real Tango!

Here's a thought too for the reformed/partially reformed Crazy Leaders:  Isn't it loads better to behave on the dance floor and not have to stop and say sorry to all the people you have bumped into every thirty seconds?  Don't you find that people are friendlier now that you aren't assaulting them with your "Tango"?  And that Toronto Tangueras enjoy dancing with you more and are less likely to say no when you ask them to dance? 

"Oh, but I had to give up my unbridled freedom of expression" you cry - but I think secretly you know that Irene and Man Yung are right and that being more considerate of others on the dance floor has made you a better and more respected dancer.  Fair enough trade off, I say - and you don't have to have withstand the "Evil Eye" no more!

Which brings us back to the whole issue of the "Evil Eye".  I know you are begging to know: What is it, and how and when can I use it in a Tango setting?

"Irene, didn't you know you have been kidding yourself all along - and that the Evil Eye doesn't work when you try to use it?"  said Man Yung.

Shock.  Horror.  "Why is that exactly?"

"It's because you are Chinese and the Evil Eye has nothing to do with Chinese culture.  Check out the Wikipedia section on the Evil Eye - it specifically states that 'The concept of cursing by staring or gazing is largely absent in East Asian and Southeast Asian societies'."

And I thought that my evil staring worked wonders in repelling Tango Tailgaters.   "So what can me, as a Chinese person, do instead if I really, really want to curse someone?"

"Every self-respecting Chinese Hong Kong person knows that you've got to beat a man-shaped piece of paper senseless with the sole of your flip-flops!"

In Cantonese, we call this "Da Siu Yan (打小人)", roughly translated as "Hit the Little Man" or, as Wikipedia says, "Villain Hitting":

This sweet little old granny is participating in the time-honoured Southern Chinese tradition of "Da Siu Yan (打小人) " or "Villain Hitting"

"Da Siu Yan" headquarters is located under the Canal Road Flyover in Wan Chai in an area that used to be called Ngo Keng Kiu (鵝頸橋, lit. goose neck bridge).  It's in one of the busiest areas of Wan Chai - a tiny covered area next to the street market and under the concrete overpass right next to bustling pedestrian and vehicular traffic.  When we were in Hong Kong this past February, we would pass by where the Villain Hitting ladies set up their little "stalls" every time we were in Wan Chai. They had their little stools (for themselves and their customers), burning incense and candles, paper paraphernalia and of course, many well-worn slippers for hitting the "Villains" with.

The Villain Hitting ladies can curse people or dispel bad luck for a small fee.  From our observations, this was what the cursing involved:

1.  Writing the particulars of the person to be cursed on a piece of paper shaped like a person;

2.  Beating that piece of paper (placed on top of a brick) repeatedly with a slipper (or "flip-flops" - as Man Yung says, the more worn out the shoe, the better.  I guess if Irene and Man Yung were doing any Da Siu Yan we have to do it with a pair of Crocs);

3.  Cursing as you are hitting.  I don't know how much creative leeway is allowed, but by most accounts, the Villain Hitter would say something like "Hit the little man's feet, so that the little man won't have anything to eat; Hit the little man's body, so the little man would walk around oddly". Rhyming and chanting in a obscure ancient dialect may make the power of the cursing stronger; 

4.  Sacrifice to the White Tiger.  There is a little paper tiger that you make a sacrifice to (No, not blood! BBQ Pork would do).  If you are lucky the White Tiger will fulfill your prayers and...carry off the person you are cursing (probably to someplace a lot nastier than Tango Hell).


Pretty nifty, huh? 

The outgoing Hong Kong Chief Executive Donald Tsang didn't even get a slap on the wrist for accepting bribes in the form of gifts and luxury travel and accommodations - following the norm in the Mainland China Corrupt Communist Regime that is fast becoming normal in Hong Kong too, corrupt officials don't have to answer to anyone.  And you can't vote the jerk out of office. Disgruntled Hong Kong citizens got together for a massive Da Siu Yan session - more than 6,000 people, the largest Villain Hitting gathering ever:


Hong Kong citizens Villain Hitting en masse - 
Look at the Giant papermaché White Tiger and the boat-sized flip-flop!

In fact, in non-democratic going rapidly towards totalitarian Hong Kong (i.e. the recent fixed election for the post of Hong Kong Chief Executive will install hardliner C.Y. Leung at the helm - he who will surely bring with him the beginning of government repression, or White Terror) what can people do except curse?  Don't think it is all superstition though - last year, thousands got together for a Villain Hitting party targeting other shady corrupt Hong Kong officials. Three out of the ten targets ended up in hospital within the year!

So, if you are a reckless, inconsiderate Crazy Leader - watch out!  Irene and Man Yung may not be able to do the Evil Eye, but give us a brick, a piece of paper and a flip-flop and we promise you it would be a WHOLE LOT WORSE than any amount of malevolent staring!*

* Just joking!  If you go home from a milonga feeling a little queasy or abnormal, it has nothing to do with Irene and Man Yung's Villain Hitting at all - we are very nice, non-cursing people! You probably just hurt your brain with the centrifugal action of doing too many volcadas. 



Monday, March 19, 2012

Tangorgasmatic Joie-de-vivre Jouissance


You can dance all the happy you want - but 
a) don't scratch the piano, and 
b) don't piss people off with your exuberant reenactment of what you have learned from Youtube!
 
Once upon a time only few months ago, a “Tanguero” from an exotic, foreign, Spanish-speaking land suddenly appeared on a local Tango scene near you.

He was immediately noticeable on the dance floor by virtue of his sheer “exuberance”.  Everything he did was a physical display of “Joie-de-vivre”:  Energetic, people-shoving, space-hogging figures; Passionate, forceful, often frenetic “push n’ pull” manipulation of his partner on the dance floor; Weaving in-and-out, bobbing up-and-down to and against the cadence of the music (and the line of dance); Furious toe tapping and multiple rulo/giro “Man-adornments” - 

- and last but not least, stomping, hopping, clapping, yippee-hi-yoddly-doo-da-dooing and finger snapping whenever the DJ played a snippet of chacarera as Cortina.  Life is Jouissance!!!!!!!

I am getting tired just typing this out.

Tangueras who had been sitting on the sides too long were welcoming of his invitations to dance.  For a couple of weeks there he thought he was some hot s*** just because he could get dances - perhaps he even entertained the idea that he was the new “Fabio” because he came from a country located pretty close to Argentina, spoke Spanish and was exuberant?  Unfortunately, he didn't know that some of the dances he got was because some Tangueras were just bored of sitting and would dance with any ol’ donkey and some Tangueras were just being polite - as one told her girlfriends quite candidly, "Dancing with him takes a lot of guesswork (he can't lead for the life of him) and it’s kind of a pain in the ass. Perhaps that's to be expected - he told me there was no need for anyone to take classes or go to Buenos Aires because you can learn everything you want about Tango from Youtube!"

His exuberance was somewhat dented when he tried to ask some of local Milongueras to dance.  They wouldn’t even look at him so he would go straight up to them and ask. Of course they said no (they have a knack for knowing who is dancing Tango and who isn’t – they have been watching the dance floor, you know).   After being curtly rejected by a particularly beautiful, Spanish-speaking Milonguera, he tried to persist by trying to engage her in conversation (in Spanish) and talking fondly about his travels to her homeland and all the people he knew from her homeland, whom he declared were all wonderful, kind and accommodating.  The lovely Milonguera, as wonderful, kind and accommodating as he hoped her to be - still said no.

To make matters worse, he started to realize that other couples on the dance floor (who were following the line of dance and not crashing into others while doing “exuberant” figures) were giving him the evil eye whenever he was around.  “What kill-joys!” he muttered to himself – but secretly, he started to doubt whether it was acceptable to be so exuberant at traditional milongas, even those so far from Buenos Aires.  

He even toned it down – you know, just a little bit, so people wouldn’t glare at him with such displeasure…

…And then he would go home and watch Youtube.

I can’t tell you exactly what he watched on Youtube but I can assure you it embodied all the “Tangorgasmatic Joie-de-Vivre Jouissance” known to Tangokind.  Kicking, jumping, flying, spinning – you name it, he would be thrilled by it.  Did you really think he would watch videos of sedate social dancing by Buenos Aires milongueros on crowded dance floors?  Might as well watch paint dry!

“Why shouldn’t I set myself free, free, free as a bird?” he asked himself while watching the soaring, heart-pounding Tangorgasmatic images flash across the screen.  “THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM AND BY GOLLY I WILL DANCE IT!”

The next time he collided with the dance floor he would be up to his old tricks and people would be giving him the evil eye – yet again.  It is really too bad that no-one has told him that people dance the way they dance on Youtube precisely because the floor has completely cleared out to give them space to perform - and that when there are other people on the floor, you simply can't dance that way!*

*And that's why we didn't go to dance last night.  "I'm sick to my eyeballs of this guy's crazy antics!" said Man Yung.  "I must be naive, thinking that there is some higher power in Tango music that would make anyone who dances it a better person - or at least a better dancer, if they keep on dancing for long enough.  Just looking at his inconsiderate, selfish, egoistical no-shame flapping exhibitionism all over the dance floor makes me feel tired and ready to quit Tango!"**

** Or perhaps Man Yung doesn't want to dance because he is just too depressed about the Hong Kong Chief Executive elections - all the candidates are each worse than the next and the election is not even democratic.  Hong Kong is going to hell in a handbasket and before long Hong Kong would be another casualty of the Mainland Chinese Corrupt Communist regime.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

How is this possible?

At the couple of places we went to dance in Hong Kong, the men were mostly dancing "Tango Salon" style of the "Championship" kind.  At higher skill levels, this means lots of "walking" with big strides, and giros, giros, giros.

If you find a big striding walker with lots of giros here in Toronto, it's a recipe for disaster - you can just bet that he'd crash into someone.  Give me a room full of these - and you might as well venture onto the dance floor in fully padded body armor.

In Hong Kong, strangely enough - the dance floor was not a mess of collisions, even though the floor was more or less crowded (although not "El Beso on a busy night" kind of crowded), with a high concentration of  dancers doing relatively large movements.

We have to applaud the Tangueros in Hong Kong for getting it right - because here in Toronto, we have dancers dancing big, medium and small who aren't.  

For a quick recap, just look at these:

High Kickers

Close Embrace Cannon Ballers

Hyper Monkeys

Tailgaters

Road Ragers

Hokey Pokey Mating Ostriches


Dancers with no sense of personal space

Fabios

....Yes, it's true - in Toronto we have quite a party going on!

Chaos on the Toronto dance floor!

So why aren't there more collisions or dangerous floor conditions in Hong Kong?  Hong Kong dancers are not dancing "super small".  In addition, they are mostly in slightly open "Tango Salon" embrace. There are even quite a few intermediate/beginners on the dance floor who have to complete the figures they are in the midst of doing as they can't change into something else in an emergency.  With all these preexisting "adverse" conditions, how is it possible that Hong Kong tangueros can maintain an orderly dance floor?  What's the secret?

The secret (which is not really a secret) is this:  Hong Kong tangueros are more considerate of other Hong Kong tangueros.

This means no one is thinking: "I'm a superior dancer than the rest of these bozos here - everyone make way!"  Or: "I'm in a tango trance right now - I don't care about bumping into everybody else because my nirvana is the most important thing in the universe!" Or even: "I have all these figures I paid good money for - all those in the way shove off, I have to show off what I've learned!" 

If the worst offenders in Toronto would just stop for a minute, think, and realize that they are not the most important people on the dance floor* (or the the entire cosmos, because that's the size of some of the heads out there) and that they have to be considerate of other people - Toronto floorcraft might improve, and everyone will have a chance to enjoy the floor undisturbed by flying feet and flailing bodies.

We are looking forward with great anticipation to that day (but not crossing our fingers)!
* By the way, "Sorry" is not enough contrition if you are crashing into someone every thirty seconds.  The solution is "Not" to crash in the first place!