Dream

If I remember correctly, the last time we danced tango before the pandemic was in February of 2020.  News just broke of some Polish guy who went to a tango festival in Europe and infected like, a hundred people with COVID.  It was a scary time and the tango organizer at our last milonga in Toronto went to great lengths and great costs to temperature check us at the door and put hand sanitizer on every table.  I’m not one of those people who didn’t care - I was and still am gut wrenchingly fearful of germs and getting sick (yes, in that way I’m a pussy) - and every hug and kiss with all you lovely people of Toronto Tango gave me the heebie-jeebies.

Then everything shut down. No Tango, and not only for just a couple of weeks. And this went on, and on, and on.  For almost FOUR YEARS.

Yippee!  I was free!  No more freaking studio practice sessions with Man Yung cracking the whip and turning me into a multi enganche gancho back sacada parada colgada performing tango monkey in heels!  No more “You got to be kidding me, in public??!?!” loud Tango arguments about steps with Man Yung at the milonga!  No more “Look Ma! I’ve turned into a zombie!” Mondays (or Wednesdays, or Thursdays, or Fridays) at work after a late night at a milonga.  

They say you look back at times of great trouble and stress and all you remember are the good times.  And yes, it was easy for me to forget the constant fear of getting sick, watching frightening COVID related news on a loop until I was actually sick (and not yet with COVID), lining up forever at the grocery store wearing a mask in the cold with my glasses fogging up and not being able to see a damn thing, and of course, ALMOST RUNNING OUT OF TOILET PAPER.

What I remember most happily about 2020 - 2023 was:  

Drinking lots of Gin and Tonic!  

Driving in Toronto and being the only car on the road and not in constant gridlock!  

Watching Downton Abbey 4 times!

Eating a whole lot of Lobster and Crab (because suddenly it got cheap - lockdown in China meant that mainland Chinese people weren’t buying all the seafood in the world and driving up the prices!)

Spending time with cat! 

Becoming a proficient artist of heads and fully clothed torsos!

(But not of arms and legs, but I craftily circumvented that particular problem by drawing people kneeling with hands hiding under cats or out of the frame.  Here I did do hands, but as you can see, the fingers look like sausages)

And of course:

NOT DANCING TANGO.

People would be amazed to learn that we only danced Tango once during the pandemic, in our kitchen which is the only place (apart from the bathroom) which had tiled flooring in our condo.  Just One Tango in which Man Yung knocked me into several cupboards due to there not being any space.  I was glad that we didn’t try in the bathroom, because it would mean being knocked into the toilet, and we didn’t exactly want to have a plumber come to our place because to fix stuff because, you know, COVID.

I was absolutely fine with not dancing ever again.  In fact, along with my newly acquired phobia of running out of toilet paper, I developed a phobia of going to milonga.  Whenever Man Yung would even think of dancing (he may not actually say anything but I could smell it on him) I would have terrible nightmares of going to milongas where no-one wore a face mask and wake up in a cold sweat.  

So, finally, after actually getting COVID (and thankfully, not dying) and what must be our hundredth COVID booster shot, we went to our first milonga after the pandemic in December of 2023.**  A Christmas Milonga, in fact - at the location closest to home, and where the lights were turned down so dim you could hardly even cabeceo…Just in case we had forgotten how to dance and look real stupid on the dance floor.  Because four years of not dancing tango, not listening to tango music, not talking about tango and not even thinking about tango (well, that’s me, I can’t speak for Man Yung) should really do a number on your tango skills.

Guess what?  We took to that slippery dark dance floor with lots of trepidation… and discovered that we could still dance! I could still follow (but as Man Yung would say, “It’s easy to follow - you don’t actually have to do anything, so stop bragging about it”) and Man Yung can still do a million (out of his pre-pandemic million billion gazillion) steps.  

It was amazing, it was like stepping into a foreign country for the first time (or after decades) and finding out you can still speak the language (somewhat) fluently.

We returned to Tango in full force (well, almost - I draw the line at practicing in a studio by ourselves, going to a milonga on a night before or after a workday, arguing about steps, and having to lead a very heavy Man Yung unless absolutely necessary - because hey, following is NOT not doing anything and doing your best impression of a truck with square wheels) and the rest is post-pandemic history.***

** Just for the record, I still didn’t want to.  Man Yung may still be spritely at his advanced age, but let’s face facts - old is old.  “Man Yung, why can’t you take more precautions and be the guy in Germany who had 217 COVID booster shots? That’s how safe you should be before you dance with every single germy woman at the milonga,” I said. 

***…waiting to be written on this blog to an audience of absolute zero.  This is what happens if you haven’t blogged since 2020!  Thank god I have a day job and don’t need this pile of tango blogging crap to make a living.

COVID-19 and Tango

The last milonga we attended must have been back in February before the lockdown.  We had just received news on Facebook before we went to the milonga that a dancer with the coronavirus attended a festival in Italy and many people fell ill after contact with that dancer.

The atmosphere at the milonga was quite tense.  Many people stayed away, there were temperature checks at the door and a box of anti-septic wipes on each table.  The organizers were doing their best to keep the attendees safe from what they knew about the coronavirus at the time, and, to try and keep tango going in our city. People tried to be calm but there was a lot less hugging and kissing hello for sure.

In fact, we had been afraid since November/December last year hearing the news and rumours coming from Hong Kong and China (Man Yung always keeps abreast of the news from that region) about the mysterious and deadly coronavirus.  The Chinese Government can't be trusted to be transparent about what is actually happening.  It was just a matter of time before the threat reached our shores.

I felt extremely relieved that after that milonga, all the milonga organizers in Toronto decided to shut down their milongas due to the coronavirus.  This was before the government mandated lockdown, before everyone was ordered to social distance and to stop gathering in groups larger than 5 people.  Close proximity and close contact in Tango is just too dangerous, it takes just one sick person to attend a milonga and so many others will also fall sick.  I really applaud the tango organizers in our City for taking that difficult step of closing down quickly.  It shows how much they care for the safety and wellbeing of the tango community and the public.

I don't think Tango will start up in earnest again until a vaccine can be found.  Well, maybe some people may try to get milongas started up before a vaccine is available but we won't be going to any Tango events until that time.  From what we know, washing hands often, checking temperatures, wearing a mask, dancing outside, head-to-toe disinfection etc. etc. reduces coronavirus transmission rates but they are not foolproof, people can still get sick if they get in contact with someone who has it.  Man Yung is a senior citizen with "pre-existing" medical conditions and I am no spring chicken.  We aren't going to risk it.  We won't even be going to practice in the dance studio we usually rent each week by ourselves. People using that studio will be exerting themselves physically during exercise/dance and if they have coronavirus, they will aerosol it into the air with every breath.

I know it is very tough for all the Tango organizers and teachers right now.  We hope they will be able to pull through and that the vaccine is only months away rather than years away.  As for us, we have been very lucky. Man Yung is retired and can stay at home and even though I have to go to work (the nature of my work doesn't let me work from home), my office is taking all precautions by making all staff wear facial masks and not allowing any outsiders into our office.

Yes, there is no tango dancing but we are comfortable, we can stay home and watch Netflix and drink more alcohol than we would normally drink.  I've gained 4 pounds since the lockdown started and it's all from gin and tonic.

Man Yung listens to tango music every evening on Youtube. I think he is practicing a million steps whenever he closes his eyes. He told a friend on the phone that he would be "fine" if he doesn't dance tango again but I think he is just putting on a brave front.

I have been having several bad dreams in which Man Yung drags me to a milonga while COVID-19 is still raging.  People are dancing without any face masks.  I have also had several dreams of finding myself in a supermarket and people are shopping without any face masks.  I just had a dream last night in which a horde of angry clients (without face masks) burst into our office and we have to call security to remove them.  I think this is becoming a recurring nightmare and phobia.  Instead of crowds of zombies I'm afraid of crowds of people without face masks.

As far as we know, our friends in Buenos Aires have also been in lockdown.  They aren't dancing, they aren't going out.  But that's ok, they are healthy and keeping safe and they assure us through email and Facebook that they are prudent and listening to what the government is telling them to do.  They are also quite hopeful we will all return to dancing soon.  The most important things right now are health and family and they are making sure to maintain their health and to keep their families safe and we totally agree.

Study

Some people like to study with championship tango dancers and watch videos of championship tango dancers dancing tango so some day they may also win a championship.  And if you don't win this time, try, try, try again!

Some people like to study stage tango movements because if they can't get people to pay attention to their low key, boring social dancing, they can kick it up a notch by flinging their partner into outer space (and other people)!  

Does anybody really want to study how to dance well on a crowded dance floor anymore?  Where the best dancers can express the music with the simplest movements while they are shoulder to shoulder with the couples around them?

Maestros Blas Catrenau and Myriam Pincen dancing on a VERY crowded dance floor.  Perfection!

I don't know about others, but I think this is the highest form of Tango expression.  I leave ambitions about winning championships and showing off for other people!

Osvaldo

Osvaldo and Coca performing a beautiful Vals at La Nacional - "Con Tu Mirar"

Today would have been Osvaldo's birthday.  We remember the first time we celebrated Osvaldo's birthday, we were at Confiteria Ideal on the closing night of Martha and Manolo's Camicando festival in 2007.  It was the first time that we were in Buenos Aires, and Osvaldo and Coca were teaching milonga at the festival.  It was a wonderful night - live performances by all the maestros of the festival, live music by Tubatango, and even a group performance by the students.  A night to remember!

Our dear milonguero friends and maestros were full of life, living their tango lives to the fullest with milongas every night, busy teaching schedules and teaching tours lined up for months in advance.  In a blink of an eye, we have lost Alberto, Martha, Osvaldo....and we miss them every day.

Last night we were talking to two veterans of Toronto Tango, both have been dancing Tango for over 20 years.  They had seen and experienced even more of the old maestros than we had, the ones that passed before we even started learning.  How quickly things change in life and in Tango!  A mere five, ten years ago, tangueros and tangueras all around the world wanted to dance with the milongueros and like the milongueros.

Now everyone wants to train and dance with the newest and shiniest cookie cutter competition winning couple, learn the fanciest figures and adornos, and maybe even win a competition themselves.  Milonguero?  What is that?  Those old people danced strange and funky.  They didn't follow competition rules.  We don't want that!

Luckily we have the magic of Youtube to keep examples of the old style milonguero dancing alive and accessible to all - along with hundreds of videos of performances by Osvaldo and Coca.  When Osvaldo was alive, they performed almost every night and everywhere they went.  They were beloved, and they always brought down the house.

Would there be a day when everyone will become tired of Tango turning itself into Ballroom dancing?  Would they re-discover the Milongueros and want to dance in the old way?

Practicing

As a follower, I hate it when a leader "practices" on me in a social dance (that means "milonga") setting.

Recently, I danced with a relatively new local leader.  He was a eager lesson taker and had improved quite quickly.  He could dance all evening non-stop and he had quite a lot of the "good followers" on his dance card.

He was also quite aggressive (and clever) in befriending Man Yung and I in order to ask me to dance.* Can't really say "no" to a "friend", can you?

* Has someone used this tactic on you?  Do you use this tactic yourself sometimes to get dances with people who aren't cabeceoing you?  This can be a subject of a whole post by itself.

The first couple of times I danced with him it was "ok".  Sometimes it is easier to just go ahead and dance with someone who is a "friend" even though it isn't "great", rather than rejecting them and risk being seen as "unfriendly", not "nice" or maybe even "an asshole".

Unfortunately (or maybe Fortunately) he had just taken a slew of private and group classes with some visiting teachers and he couldn't restrain himself from unleashing his newly acquired steps and adornments on me, even if it meant tripping over his own feet and almost falling on his face. Obviously he didn't know how to do any of those new steps well yet but what a fantastic opportunity to PRACTICE on an experienced follower!

That was wonderful because it turned me completely, utterly, WTF off and I didn't care about being rude or unfriendly the next time he asked me to dance.  I could turn him down guilt-free!

In my opinion, when social dancing, it is inappropriate to practice stuff you don't know well on your partner UNLESS they have consented to it beforehand.  It is also inappropriate to practice in a milonga if it will be disruptive to others on the dance floor.

Ideally, practice on people who are not your regular dance partner (or any practice at all) should only be done in a class, or in a practica where it is understood that people are there to practice.

When I lead I like to err on the side of caution.  When introducing a step (that I actually know I can lead) to a follower, I stop immediately at the slightest sign that either of us are stumbling.  I am not going to try, try, try again until we both get it.*

* Yeah Man Yung, stop heckling me on the sidelines when I am dancing with some of the best milonguera followers in Toronto - I am NOT going to practice NOTHING on them so there!

I don't think being able to lead or making (or forcing) followers do a gazillion trillion steps enhances the dance experience.  Rather, I think there is more merit and enjoyment in being able to connect with a follower on a level that is comfortable for the follower, and being able to express and communicate the music and feeling in Tango simply, WITH LIMITS ON WHAT YOU CAN DO.

To quote W. Somerset Maugham "To write simply is as difficult as to be good."  Applies to writing, applies to dancing too.

I was joking to a woman leader in ballroom/latin dance a few weeks ago about how NONE of the followers I was dancing with wanted me to throw some back sacadas and enganches at them to spice things up.

She laughed and said, "Yeah, me too - I ask my followers whether they wanted me to do a triple axle double salchow and they all said no too!"

So, if you want to practice, find your OWN partner and go torture them with the complete step repertoire of Forever Tango at your leisure.  If you are lucky your partner will be a super adornista and she will have a great time toe tapping and foot flicking all over you too!

Juan Ventura Esquivel and Thomasina Gabriele - Tango Exhibition in Portland

Recently, we received an email from the renowned milonguero Juan Ventura Esquivel and his lovely partner Thomasina Gabriele with links to their Tango exhibitions in Portland.

We wanted to share their beautiful milonguero performances here!  They are dancing to Tangos by Fresedo and D'Arienzo:





Juan Ventura Esquivel is one of the core members of the show "Milonguisimo".  We had the great fortune of seeing him perform at the show in Glorias Argentinas the first time we were in Buenos Aires.  We had the pleasure of bumping into Juan numerous times at milongas in Buenos Aires over the years.  He and Thomasina are great friends of Osvaldo and Coca so sometimes we even get to go to the milongas with all of them together.

It's really cold in Toronto these two weeks - snow and ice and wind chill up to minus 27 C!  Not even a hug could make us warm!

Freezing at Centennial Park last week (No, the hug did NOT help)

However, did you notice Thomasina's gorgeous strapless dress with the colourful birds design in the video?  OMG I wish I had that dress! It is the most enchanting dress ever. Makes us think of springtime even in the middle of winter.

Keep warm and enjoy Tango!

Advice I followed (and advice I didn't follow)

We recently received a comment on one of our old posts from way way way back in 2010.  I had mentioned in the post that our great friend and teacher Alberto Dassieu had told me three little things that took my following to an entirely new level - but I didn't actually say what they were.

So Mikhail very kindly made a comment (And thank you for reading our old posts, by the way!) and asked me whether I could share Alberto's advice.   

Sure!  What Alberto told me was (Drum roll please):

1.  Do not go faster than the leader

2.  Do not stick out your hips/butt when you are doing a giro

3.  Do not do any adornments unless the leader gives you opportunity to

I will also throw in the advice that the legendary Osvaldo Cartery gave me:

1.  Pick up your feet!  (Meaning don't drag your feet on the floor making feet draggy sounds when you are walking.  Yeah, I know that's four words and I had said "three words" - and it was three, in Spanish, and I forget exactly what they were but that's what they meant.)

A lot of you out there may be going "Pffffft!  I ALREADY KNEW THAT!" and "But that's what everybody says!" but hey, those little things were EXACTLY what was wrong with the way I was dancing. They are still my golden rules and I follow them to this day.

People seek and receive a lot of advice about Tango.  I know some dancers who take every single group class and private class available from local and visiting instructors regardless of the style or ability of the said instructor (That's right, I look at some of these instructors and think "WTF?  Should they really be teaching?") and continue to pester the instructors for more tips at milongas outside of the classes.  

With so much time, energy and money thrown into Tango you would think these people would be really really fantastic dancers and teaching their own classes by now!

Reality is they don't improve.  They keep on dancing the same ol' way OR WORSE, they get so confused by the landslide of good, bad, conflicting and/or irrelevant advice they completely ruin their dancing.

I think what it boils down to is judgment - or luck.  You either have to "know" when someone is telling you something that won't work (or is a total crock of bull****) - or you have to be really lucky and meet the right teacher at the right time who tells you just the right thing and nothing more or less.

We were lucky and we had really great teachers who didn't bull**** us and knew what they were talking about.  Some other Tango Professionals/Long-time veteran dancers gave us advice too, and I'd say we exercised some really good judgment about most of it.

So off the top of my head, here's a random sample of some advice that we had received over the years which we followed or did not follow:

1.  "It doesn't matter what shoes you wear to Tango!"

That was stupid and dangerous advice.  Man Yung followed this advice being a newbie (and because he likes a challenge) and wore street shoes with non-slip ridged soles.

This story ends with him wrecking his feet and bleeding all over our carpet.

2.  "You have to do MORE adornments and show off to people your beautiful footwork!"

Maybe this is good if you are an instructor selling "Happy Spectacular Tango Fancy Feet Whizzing Flicking Tapping Drill" workshops.  

Otherwise, this level of adornistatic enthusiasm truly ruins your following.  See above Alberto's advice to me.

3.    "To look more grounded and "Milonguera", your feet have to stick to the floor with every step."

Tried it, filmed it during studio practice, and it didn't work.  Trying to make your feet stick to the floor doesn't make your feet look like they stick to the floor.  

However, relaxing your feet and ankles and NOT dragging them on the floor (as per Osvaldo's advice above) makes your feet look more grounded and "Milonguera".  Go figure.

4.   "A leader has to keep his left arm back while dancing - you have to be able to put an umbrella in that space between left hand/shoulder.  All good Tango leaders practiced with the umbrella!"

This is great advice.  I have observed that most women leaders actually get this (WITHOUT practicing with an umbrella!) and have their left arm in the correct position.  Do you know why women leaders get this?  Because they have all been on the receiving end of a man leader who DOESN'T do this.  If the leader has his left arm pushing forward the follower ends up with a really really (and sometimes permanently!) sore right shoulder.

I have been told I am one of the most comfortable leaders to dance with.  That's because I have had the most permanently aching sore wrecked right shoulder from leader left arm pushing and I don't want to inflict that on anyone I dance with (yes Man Yung hint hint).

5.  "Remember to Pause while dancing."

Absolutely mandatory advice.

You think Tango happens when you are doing a triple gancho boleo volcada enganche piña colada with a banana split and a cherry on top?  

It's all happening the Pause, baby!  Yes it is!

6.  "Dance no more than ten (10) steps during the whole milonga."

Our Maestro and friend El Gallego Manolo told us this and he knows a gazillion steps.  

There really isn't any need to do all gazillion at once.  If you are doing a gazillion it means that for at least a trillion billion of them, you aren't that familiar with them and you are practicing steps at a milonga which is a no-no.

In any case, from a follower's perspective a walk and a giro feels exactly the same whether the leader is doing them regular with two legs one after the other, with a hop, skip and a jump, or with a costume change in a telephone booth in between.  

7.  "Be natural."

Osvaldo told us this.  You shouldn't be dancing Tango like "I AM DANCING TANGO NOW!"

Tango walking is just like any other walking (Osvaldo would mime taking Coca by the hand and walking down the street to the market).

Man Yung explains: "If you eat an apple, you just eat an apple.  You are not trying to impress people with your apple eating skills, you are not showing to people how elegantly you are eating an apple.  You are just eating an apple."

8.  "I have no more advice for you.  You are fine as you are!"

Alberto said this to me.  And he was right - at some point you don't need any more.  

However, Alberto, Osvaldo and Manolo always had more advice for Man Yung.  Lucky Man Yung!

And some of it was even repetitive advice :-(

Cats

The last of our original four cats died at the end of September.  It was a very difficult and sad time, but he had a long and happy life.  Two of our cats were strays we found on the street; the two others we adopted from the local shelter.  We had them before we started Tango, so they accompanied us on our Tango journey and witnessed all the ups and downs of our Tango adventure - and were really mad at us whenever we disappeared for two weeks to travel to Buenos Aires!

It was devastating to come home after a milonga late at night and have no kitties waiting for us at the door.  Sometimes we would forget that we had no more cats and we would open the door thinking he was still waiting patiently in his usual spot for us.

Man Yung didn't want to adopt any more cats.  He complained it was too much work to clean and care for cats, and he was getting older and too tired to deal with another cat. And we can't travel guilt-free if we have pets at home.

Actually I think he was most afraid of having to go through the grief of losing another cat.

I knew we had to adopt another cat.  There are so many cats in shelters waiting for their forever homes.  Having a cat is beneficial to mental and physical health and we would be doing a good deed.

And a home doesn't feel like a home unless we have a cat.

After much debate, we went to the shelter and adopted a feisty tiny two year old Tortie.  She had been found abandoned with her litter of kittens.  We don't know what happened to the kittens (the shelter wouldn't tell us) but when we got back to our condo, Mrs. B jumped out of the carrier and made herself home right away like it was destiny.

It's been only four weeks but it feels like we have had Mrs. B forever already!

Man Yung with Mrs. B, wearing his brand new 

Alice Starmore Kinsale fishermen's sweater that I knitted for him.  

It is a huge bonus that Mrs. B lets him carry her around like she was a baby :-)

Mrs. B doesn't Tango she doesn't know what the fuss is all about.  No partner is good enough for her! Joking aside, she can only be the sole cat in a house because she is very territorial and she attacks other cats.  She is great with people though.  A complete cuddle bug who purrs up a storm.

Mrs. B may not want to Tango (with other cats), but loving and caring for her and all of our original kitties IMHO made us better dancers.  And better people (hopefully).  There's nothing more wonderful than to infuse our dancing with all the (kitty cat) love in our hearts.

Just look at that sweet face!

Death of the Embrace

A couple of years ago a very respected veteran Toronto Milonguera told me that a Milonguero Encuentro could not be organized in Toronto.

I was surprised she would say that.  There seemed plenty of "Milonguero Style" Toronto dancers in Toronto.  It's not like everyone is flocking to Nuevo Tango.  Why wouldn't an Encuentro work?

She was right, of course.  There are maybe TEN really good Milonguero Style dancers in Toronto now.... and most of them don't even come out to dance anymore.

Another Toronto Milonguera told me recently that she goes through phases of not wanting to come out to dance.  It was just too disheartening, arriving at some of the more popular milongas in town, anticipating a having a good time dancing - but leaving disappointed because:

1.  The FIVE really good Milonguero Style leaders have all decided to stay home (and not get kicked in the shins at the crowded and crazy popular milonga);

2.  Being asked to dance and having to dance with Flingy leaders who just want to do ten million giros, enganches and ganchos - all in the same tanda.  And not leading them very well either.

3.  Not being asked to danced by any of Competition Tango Laddies, because they like to stick with the Competition Tango Ladies who have all gone to the same classes as them and have been trained by the same Competition Tango instructors and therefore have a chance to understand WTF they are leading.

4.  Being asked to dance by any of the Competition Tango Laddies, and then not knowing WTF they are leading because hey, she never learned the same "Choreography".

5.  Not being asked to dance, or refusing to dance, because it's a raging seething sea of Flinging and Tango Competition Choreography out there.

#1-5 above means no fun AND it also means the Embrace is dead.  Or dying.  Or people think the Embrace is something that it is isn't what it really should be.

Even Flingers and Tango Competition Choreographers can write f'g beautiful, literate, convincing, bring tears to your eyes essays about the Embrace.  They truly may believe they are good/excellent/Tango Gods of Embrace because they have lots of dance partners/placed well in a Tango Competition/Teach and Perform Tango.

But come on, are they even Embracing?

Flingers only need the "embrace" like a Judoka wants you to put your hands on any part of his or her body in a fight.  Someone's gotta be touching you in order for you to execute a (Judo) move on them.

Please hold me tight... so I can throw the s*** out of you.*

Tango Competition Choregraphers look like they have perfect embraces - of course, they score points for them in Competitions!  The better the "look", the higher the score.  Some of these types of dancers will "rearrange" their partners embrace (basically by pushing them out of it) so it would look better and they will have some space to do some nifty Tango Competition Standard movements and adornos.

No, no, no!

I am in the minority I guess in the Brave New Tango World of flinging and competition but that's not the Embrace for me.

I won't Embrace someone just so I have a grip on them and can make them "do stuff".

I am not Embracing someone in a certain way so that I would "Look Good" and "Score Points".

Embracing someone and thinking "Moves!" or "Looking Good!" is a failure to Embrace.

To Embrace, you have to be completely present in it, not elsewhere with your thoughts.

You have to give your whole Embrace to your partner, and in return they have to give their whole Embrace to you.

All those Tango pauses you are supposed to do with the music?  They aren't to show off your Tango posture or to show off your ability to pause strategically to win points and admiration.  They are moments to feel the Embrace more deeply and intensely.

And to connect with your partner completely.

Dancing Tango without the Embrace is like stuffing your mouth with shovels of food, but Tasting absolutely nothing.



*By Mhultstrom - Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=27764362

Sorry - No Points for that

A couple of Toronto's more notorious high kickers and reckless Tasmanian devil whirligig flingers just participated in the Canada Tango Championship last week.  I shuddered and eye rolled until my eyes disappeared into the back of my head when I received word that they were competing.

There was big collective sigh of relief all around when neither of them placed in the top three.  Thank God!

Do we really need these freakin' dangerous dancers to believe that they are entitled, via "good results" in the competition, to kick and knock the bejesus out of everyone around them?  Hell no!  Now don't laugh, but I truly believe that since their heads are so inflated with their own imaginary greatness already, placing in the top three will make their heads so big they will start hitting people with their faces when they dance.

However, the fact they didn't "win" this time only gives me temporary comfort.  I'm sure they are going to try try try again.   And one of these days they are going to make it into the top three, or maybe even WIN, because you can actually win these things (especially in Canada with it's small pool of dancers) by being persistent and signing up year after year after year.  Once the "best" tango couple wins, there's going to be a vacuum and the "next" best will win the next time.  And so on, and so on. One of these days, your local obnoxious kicker/flinger is going to make it and unfortunately, not because they've miraculously become better, or more caring dancers.

As you know we are NOT fans of the "Tango Competition".  It has set a rather superficial and skewed standard of what is considered "good" in Tango in order to make what is not quantifiable quantifiable for ease of judging and now, as we have rightly predicted back in 2008(!), the Tango Borg has taken over the Tango Universe. 

Coming to a Tango Community near you!  Or maybe they are there already :-(

These days, thanks to "Tango Competition", a lot of dancers believe that the only indicator of "good Tango" is how much one can conform to Tango Borg standard, a great deal of which is about looking attractive while dancing and not breaking rules.  Unfortunately, few or NO points are going to be given for any of the following:

1.  Creative, original, idiosyncratic steps.

2.  An embrace that makes you melt.

3.  Musicality that makes you smile.

4.  Ability to adapt to any partner - regardless of size, height, experience - and make them feel wonderful and not inadequate or awkward when they dance with you.

5.  Ability to dance on very crowded dance floors without hurting yourself, your partner or other people.  That means being agile, considerate AND also means being able to edit the stuff you do and still make your dancing lovely and fun, and being able to restrain yourself from showing off the whole goddamn space-hogging figure you were taught/invented.

6.  Being completely bad-ass skillful with the cabeceo.

7.  Being a top notch Chamuyo bull-shitting flirty charmer with your partners.  And making them laugh!

8.  Willingness to dance with ladies who have been sitting all night and haven't been invited to dance because they are not young/attractive/skinny/or don't conform to Tango Borg standard of beauty and skill.

9.  Being "yourself" and no-body else in Tango.  Unless you were born Tango Borg, in which "yourself" means same same same as everyone else who is competing and you will probably WIN.

10.  Just being a great person and a joy to meet and talk to at the milongas.  We have some wonderful people like this in Toronto Tango.  They make everyone feel welcome and at ease and everyone loves seeing them at the milongas.  They may even organize Tango events for charity.  Beautiful souls.

The important things that makes Tango truly Tango for us unfortunately does not score points in Tango Competitions and it really seems like to us that this whole competition thing is rapidly making Tango go to Ballroom competition Hell in a hand basket.

Yes, we have been talking about this topic FOREVER (more blog whining can be found here) but do people ever listen?

"Just the Way You Are" (sometimes isn't enough)

I've been thinking about writing about this topic for a long time but have hesitated/procrastinated because honestly, I didn't want Man Yung to read this and get mad.

OK, honey, remember you promised that you won't get mad?

I used to admire dancers most for their skill.  For their musicality.  For their elegance, their walk, their moves, or even, ha ha, their "authenticity", whatever that may be.

Yes, all of the above is still admirable, but there's something that trumps all of that.

It's so rare that in fourteen years of dancing and watching other people dance, I have only seen it in three (ok, maybe four) couples.

Those three couples (or four) were so into each other AND into each other's Tango that they didn't give a rat's ass about ANYTHING else.

Now, when you are a couple in Tango, things are not necessarily going to be "Happily Ever After".

You may have met before Tango.  Or you may have met while dancing Tango.

You may have the most wonderful relationship outside of Tango.   Or not.

You may think you are better at Tango than your partner.  Or worse.

You may wish that your partner could dance better.  Or you wish that you could dance better because you feel your partner isn't exactly happy about the way you are dancing.

You may have an ideal image of what you and your partner should look like or dance like in Tango and let's face it, your partner's skill, height, looks and dress does not fit into those parameters.

You may prefer to dance with other people not your partner.  Or you want to dance with your partner very much, but he/she seems to prefer dancing with other people rather than you.

Or neither of you want to dance with each other really.  Or you only want to dance together sometimes for appearance's sake because after all you guys are a couple but let's sit apart in the milonga so that other people won't be afraid to cabeceo us (separately).

Why not one person stay home and play mahjong/watch Netflix/do some online shopping while the other goes obsessively every night to milonga?  Or, in order to avoid any kind of confusion for other tangueros/tangueras that you may be together, why not go to different milongas on different nights...on different continents?

Now, the following describes US (and I just had to google "Irene and Man Yung Tango Kill Argue" to get to the link without having to sort through all our past posts):

You argue a lot over Tango and want to kill each other constantly.

And people still go up to us and say to us, "Wow, you guys dance so beautifully together!  You guys look like you are so in love!!!!"

Thanks for the compliment, but we are NOTHING compared to the three (or four) couples I've seen.

Man Yung keeps on saying to random ladies he dances with, "Love means never having to say you are sorry".

Well, there's absolutely no place for apology in the Tango of those truly blessed couples.

No need to say sorry to each other - when the leader isn't really leading right and the follower isn't really following right.  Nothing is a "mistake", you know each other's Tango so well you just carry right on over any glitch.

No need to say sorry to anyone around them -  when the intensity of their uninterrupted eye to eye staring vertical tango love making is making other people think "For God's sake go Get a Room!"

No need to say sorry to Tango itself - because it doesn't matter how cheesy or "wrong" their Tango is, their all-consuming "Love" makes it right.*

* You look at them and objectively, they are dancing all wrong and ridiculous but it looks fantastic because they are so much in sync and have so much chemistry.  So there.

Do you know what I'm talking about?  In fact, the turdier they dance, the more it shows how much they truly love each other because they just DON'T CARE.  They can be dancing like s*** or maybe not like s*** but it doesn't matter because they are thinking all the time their partner is TANGO PERSONIFIED and OMG TANGO WITH HIM/HER IS THE BEST TANGO IN THE HISTORY OF ALL TANGO.

Yes I envy that and wish that Man Yung and I can be like that instead of "Irene and Man Yung Tango Kill Argue" but oh well.**

** Man Yung says: "No, I cannot be like that, Irene!  My goal is continuous self-improvement, and that includes Tango.  I am constantly improving MYSELF in Tango by watching Youtube vids on continuous loop for more steps.  You must too!  No rest in turdy Tango for the wicked Mwahahahaha!  Crack the whip!  Back to work!  Roll that watermelon!" ***

*** This post is totally serious and we have discussed this topic together and we really do admire those couples for the way they love each other and love each other's Tango.  A love like that is even better than winning any Mundial!

Pedro Vujovich and Graciela Cano

The first time we went to Buenos Aires, we were eager to see a number of dancers live.

One couple we would have loved to see dancing in the milongas was Pedro Vujovich and Graciela Cano.  They had won the Metropolitano (Buenos Aires city-wide) competition in 2005 and we saw snippets of them dancing in Oscar Hector's Milonguisimo show in a youtube video.

The few seconds we saw of them dancing in the video of the show were totally awesome - their musicality was impeccable and their style completely unique.  However, when were in Buenos Aires we didn't have an opportunity to catch them and shortly after our visit we heard that Pedro had passed away.

We have been searching for videos of them dancing every since.  We discovered recently their son Gustavo had posted some videos on Youtube of Pedro and Graciela dancing as a tribute to them.  Here's one of them dancing an exhibition of Tango, Vals and Milonga:



There are quite a few more videos of them dancing in Gustavo's youtube channel, including videos of them while competing.  It's fantastic that we are still able to see these examples of their dancing, it's such a treat.

Confession:  Man Yung has been trying to steal Pedro's steps!   But he has not been successful.  I think it's because Pedro and Graciela's style of dancing formed organically from decades of dancing together and you have to look at it as a whole.  It is impossible (as Man Yung has learned) to take out and dissect/steal any one part of it!

We had the pleasure of meeting Graciela once when we went to Club Oeste and Man Yung even had the opportunity of dancing with her.  She's a beautiful dancer and we were happy to know that she still went to dance in the milongas.

A short and charming biography of Pedro Vujovich can be found on the Todotango website here.

Non-Tango things that have made my Tango better

We know people who are avid class takers and who dance tango literally, EVERY NIGHT.  Good for you!  Keep it up!

I've commented this before to some of my friends while watching particularly horrible awkward dancing: "Give them 20/30/40 years in Tango....eventually anyone can turn into a Milonguero."  

I may have said that ironically but also in total earnestness.  A tried and true way to dance Tango better is to just do more of it.  Either lots in a short time span or less but consistently over more time.  

Good Tango is sometimes just mileage.

But BETTER Tango is more than that.

Without doing any Tango Drills, going to any Tango Festivals, taking any Tango private classes or watching any Tango videos on Youtube, I can just wake up on a random morning and find myself a better Tango dancer.  

I don't know why it happens. 

I'm kidding.  Of course I know.  But if I tell you, you're going to say, "Gosh, Irene is weird."

And then you will go secretly try those same weird things yourself to see if they work.  

Heck, I'll give you a list anyway since I've promised myself to write at least two posts a month this year and I'm kind of behind:

Various Non-Tango things that have mysteriously enlightened Irene's Tango:

1.  Watching a Meteor Shower.

2.  Reading D. H. Lawrence's "The Rainbow" and "Women in Love".  

3.  Going to see a Philippe Jaroussky concert.  OMG listening to him sing live was the most intensely beautiful 2 hours of my life.

3.  Losing 15 lbs of weight gradually using the "Madam Chic French Moderation" method.  Yeah, laugh all you want.  Don't be mistaken, I didn't dance better because I lost weight - I danced better because I LIVED better.

4.  Playing piano again after a break of almost 10 years.  

5.  Persisting in playing my old piano that I got in Hong Kong when I was eleven even though it is crappy and cannot hold a tune or be tuned anymore.  Even my cat cringes when I play.  Hey, I don't care - me and my piano have a history together.

6.  Marie Kondo-ing my house.  Kind of like the experience of losing weight as in #3, but instead weight reduction I was decluttering.

7.  Having better relations with my parents and brother and sister.  However, I am still going to laugh at their Tango ignorance (Oh-no - maybe my Tango will become even better when I stop laughing at them?)

8.  Writing a Tango Blog (OK, this is a Tango thing.  But writing about Tango and analyzing it front to back and top to bottom and actually solidifying thoughts into words helps me immensely).

9.  NOT RECOMMENDED:  Suffering horrible, awful loss, and gradually coming to terms with it.  

I don't wish this kind of sadness on anyone.  Not to make light of this kind of heart breaking and spirit destroying experience, but my Tango did get a lot better.

10.  Falling in love with and being proud of my home town Scarborough.  Growing up I thought my neighbourhood sucked and it was just the sleepy boring old suburbs.  After learning that it was in fact "The Food Capital of the World" and actually trying out the different awesome cuisines available locally and meeting lovely people from different cultures living here, I realized that the place where I grew up in ROCKS.

11.  Letting go of anger.

12.  Forgiving people who were once my enemies - even loving them a little.

13.  Becoming older and wiser.

14.  Understanding myself more.

15.  Understanding Man Yung more.

16.  Accepting both myself and Man Yung more.

17.  Having Man Yung understand me and accept me more.   Yes Man Yung!  This is important!  Partnership is not a Chairman Mao Communist Totalitarian Regime!

In summary, I danced better whenever I was touched by beauty, when I found out something about myself, and whenever I strived to be a better person.

Man Yung said after reading what I wrote, "Yes, life is like that!  Like the four seasons: spring, summer, autumn, winter."

Tango Staycation

I would have written this post over the Victoria Day long weekend here in Canada, but I was too busy on a glamourous Tango "Staycation".

Now, of course we would rather be on a glamourous Tango "Vacation" and we miss visiting our wonderful friends in Buenos Aires, but we have to be home every four to six hours to feed and massage an ancient constipated pet cat.  This one (on the left - I don't know who the guy in the chicken hat is HA!):

And when we told Manolo the reason behind us not flying to Buenos Aires to visit him, he said "Does he taste good with a side of rice?"

HE WAS JOKING!  About getting rid of the cat and about what Chinese people eat!  Cat Lovers and Chinese people, it's JUST A JOKE, OK?

Well, in any event, Vacation/Staycation is just a state a mind and we will use all our powers of Imagination/Zen/Self-Delusion to bring you the following:

THINGS WE CAN DO ON TANGO STAYCATION THAT MAYBE PERHAPS MAKES US THINK WE ACTUALLY TOOK A TRIP TO BUENOS AIRES:

1.  Wear same set of wrinkle free "travel clothes" for days on end.  Wash them in the sink and hang them all over the place to drip dry OR screw that, wear them for days on end and do not wash them. Did you know merino wool clothing supposedly never smells bad and self-cleans? 

Irene demonstrating how to look conspicuously like a tourist.  You don't even need to be in Buenos Aires - we guarantee that this outfit will make anyone stick out like a sore thumb anywhere in the world!

2.  Eat pasta and pizza and red meat with abandon and wash it down with gallons of beer/wine.  Gain 5 lbs in 7 days!

Yes, we can get pretty great pizza here in Toronto.  But would it really be as good and excessively cheesy as the ones at El Cuartito?

3.  Buy random stuff because that's what people do on vacation.

Or better yet - DO NOT buy random stuff and be good to the planet.

"Man Yung, I can't believe we took a photo of this incredible HANDBAG STORE in Buenos Aires and didn't go in or buy anything from it?????  WTF!!!?"

4.  Since cannot buy new tango shoes easily when not in Buenos Aires, do next best thing - resole tango shoes, or wear existing tango shoes in one's possession that don't fit well for that brand new tango shoe feeling. Hobble awkwardly in ill fitting tango shoes at local milongas, it makes it feel like you are dancing on unfamiliar floors!

5.  Dance all night. Or at least until 1 a.m. midnight.  Because we need beauty rest + have to go home and massage the cat.  By the way this past week (in Toronto!) we danced Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday.  On Monday and Thursday we massaged the cat MORE.

6.  Forget to put on sunscreen because so busy/exhausted.

Unfortunately, this happened all the time when we were in Buenos Aires.  It is not a good idea!  The secret to looking and staying young: Sunscreen, sleep and Tango.  OK, when we were in Buenos Aires didn't get much of the first two but the surplus of the third made up for it.

7.  Go and see the sights and eat the eats in Scarborough, food capital of the world.  Or don't, and nap all the time when not eating and dancing because old and exhausted from dancing + massaging the cat.

If Scarborough is the food capital of the world and we live right in it and have a million choices of what to eat, why do we end up eating the same fifty chicken wings and plate of fried noodles at the same Chinese restaurant?

8.  Watch soccer matches broadcast in a non familiar language.  There are lots on Youtube.   Brings back memories of watching soccer in Spanish in Buenos Aires hotel room (when not passed out from exhaustion or doing laundry in the sink).

9.  Argue.  

Why, don't other people argue while on vacation?

10. Answer work emails. 

Why, don't other people answer work emails while on vacation?  How else can I make sure my inbox is clear and I'm up to date?

There must be more stuff we can do to add to the list to make our "Staycation" sound more exciting but I'm tired from dancing/writing/massaging the cat and need a nap now.

I replied to Felicity's comment and realized we had been dancing at the same milonga... on different continents

Yep.  What a coincidence!  Felicity's original comment (to the previous post "Why the Cabeceo is important) is in black, and my responses are in blue:

Hi Irene,

"It is always BETTER to dance with someone who is willing to dance with me than someone who isn't."
Agreed: why would anyone want to dance with someone unless they also want to?

Comparing notes, my reasons for not dancing with (any) guys this weekend:

1. Couldn't see good dancers

Agreed.  Getting rare in Toronto too.  Toronto full of hot headed flingers.  However have still a handful of leaders I still enjoy dancing with.  I am often tempted to pray (with incense and crispy BBQ pork offerings - actually, doing complete opposite of the evil eye ritual) that they do show up at milonga but realize that praying is completely useless due to my low dance popularity quotient. 

2. I like dancing with the guy but he just danced with someone I can't bear and so is contaminated (at least for that day). This is a fairly new one on me. It surprised me too!

Actually this happens to me after Man Yung danced with someone who forgot deodorant or has a problem that deodorant cannot fix.  I have to get him to change before I can dance with him.  Otherwise the urge to vomit will override ability to follow.  Man Yung either has nasal blockage or likes B.O. of strangers does not understand about the fuss I am making.

I have also been put off by the smell of green peppers that attached itself to a leader I like to dance with from a follower I dislike.  Go figure.

3. I really like dancing with the (visiting) guy I've known for years but he has been sending confusing messages during the last year at the two milongas where we last met. I don't know where I stand so I won't look or say anything about dancing even though we're sitting next to one another and (finally) talking again...

I’m a straightforward person, I don’t understand leaders who send out confusing messages either.  

I prefer to dance with someone who is as consistently eager to dance with me as I am with him.  Not BS "Oh I LOVE dancing with you!" and then when there are other "more preferred" followers in the room he forgets to cabeceo or even say hello.

If he is "hot and cold" he better be some hot stuff in Tango.  No wait - EVEN IF he is some hot stuff he can go stuff it.  I'm too old for this game playing s***.

Reasons for not dancing much with women this weekend:

- At two of the milongas: no space / chaos. Space alone wouldn't necessarily be an issue if it weren't for the snails-pace ronda and dangerous floorcraft. Couples were dancing for themselves, not aware of the couples around them. Or were but didn't care, or couldn't dance well enough to manage. I was prevented from moving, was bashed many times, squeezed, tailgated and cut up by guys. I was kicked and scraped by the slim, well-dressed woman several people tried to tell me was a good dancer.

Luckily have not had too much bad luck or accidents while leading on crowded and crazy floors.  I have feeling guys in Toronto are more considerate to women leaders, well, at least to me.  They don’t generally bash into me and my partner unless by pure accident, I have a feeling they have their eye out for not bashing.  Actually, apart from one or two really rotten apples, leaders on a whole in Toronto have become more considerate on the dance floor in the past year.   

However, that being said, I think we have the twin of the slim well dressed woman "so called good dancer" here in town.  Or perhaps it is the same woman?  She has the longest legs and most honking huge feet with stilettos the size of machetes on said feet.  She also flails and kicks highest with the most abandon.  Frenetic displays of reckless high kicking signal "I'm a good dancer", like how red and blue bottoms on Mandrill monkeys means "YEAH BABY! Sizzling white HOT!"?   What is this (tango) world coming to. Milonga organizer had to announce “Keep heels on the floor” but the rockette apparently is deaf because she was still slashing her heels up and down for hours after that announcement.  

Other cavorting, spinning and leaping Mandrill monkeys on the dance floor were noticeably excited by her tango courtship display.

 Hot Stuff

- Couldn't see dancers I like

Sad.  See above re: lack of good dancers.  Sometimes good dancers were (deliberately?) hiding behind not so good dancers I was trying not to cabeceo.  Sad x 2.  See above re: confusing hot and cold.  Not so good dancers I was trying not to cabeceo may be going "wtf?" too re: my cabeceo/not cabeceo (sorry, it was for the person BEHIND you)

- Poor music. B or C sides of famous orchestras. Orquesta tipica Maglio.

OMG this CONFIRMS we were at the same milongas.  A DJ played Maglio (and equivalent) all friggin’ night too.

- I'm not convinced enough she wants to dance with me to want to risk a clear look (from my seat).

Yep, I’ve had ladies say they want to dance and then not even try to cabeceo.  Talk about ambivalence. This has been ongoing for a few weeks now.

- That quiet, good-dancing girl I like isn't looking my way. She refused / avoided me once. I won't invite her again unless she makes it really clear that she wants to dance.

You and I, we must be trying to dance with the same girl.  Sometimes I think she just wants to dance with her favourite guy leaders, or doesn’t want to dance with a girl in front of certain guy leaders who would scoff at women dancing with women.  That’s ok.   

I'm the same: My best lady friends in tango know that I'm not available for leading if my favourite guy leaders are available.

- She could be looking but I don't want to dance milonga / vals / this particular tango tanda.

Actually, I’m pretty much up for anything at this point.  Have heard so much Maglio had to make decision: either dance to the friggin' Maglio, or not dance at all and waste $15 entrada.

PS:
I danced 6 tandas over three milongas this weekend. All with women. Good music is always a pre-requisite but curiously, the reasons one does dance are not necessarily the converse of why one doesn't dance:

1. We smiled as she came in and she sat next to me. She was a nice person and turned out to be a good dancer.

That's lovely :-) 



2 & 3 An experienced lady told a woman or women I didn't know near me in my hearing that I was a good dancer and she should dance with me. So I risked inviting one and later the other.



Solid dance reputation being built this way.  It's great!  I hope that I'm getting positive reviews too.  Rather than people whispering "OMG avoid her she sucks" :-(

4 A woman who looked familiar reminded me as she arrived that we'd danced in Cambridge

5. A good dancer I didn't know sought me out with her eyes

You are better at the cabeceo than I am.  I still have to engage in conversation with ladies at beginning of the evening about willingness to dance later and THEN cabeceo to seal the deal later.


6. A woman I've seen dancing well for years I thought had looked my way some time last year but I hadn't liked the music at the time. I invited her this time.

Thanks for taking the time to comment Felicity!  I hope we will really meet one day at the same milonga and we can cabeceo each other for sure :-)