Return of the "Living" Zhu Zhu

The Horror....The Horror....

The Toronto Star said last week that the “Zhu Zhu” is going to be the hottest toy of the season. They are supposed to be so hot that they have run out of them in the stores in the States and now people are selling them on eBay for like, millions of dollars (ok, I exaggerate, maybe fifty or sixty dollars – hey, that’s five to six times the retail price!).

Reading this piece of news, I had to convince Man Yung that we needed to get one. “Come on! This thing is going to be even bigger than the Tamagotchi!!”

Luckily Man Yung didn’t need to much convincing when I explained to him what a Zhu Zhu was. Zhu Zhus are the PERFECT pet hamster. They don’t poop, they don’t eat, they don’t throw temper tantrums or need psychotherapy, and they come in a variety of “Naturalistic” colours like white, beige, yellow and grey!

“We definitely have to get a Zhu Zhu for our cats,” Man Yung remarked. “It is a much better alternative than a real hamster.” Which would honestly be a total bloodbath.

“So,” you ask skeptically, “What’s the difference between these critters and a set of Hot Wheels wrapped in faux fur?”

Well, any idiot can make a battery powered engine, slap on some wheels and have it run around the room. In contrast, a whole battalion of scientists have spent years working on the awe-inspiring technology behind the Zhu Zhu. A whole conglomerate of marketing people have worked night and day to launch the marketing blitz that has blanketed North America. The Zhu Zhu is, all in all, no mere “toy” but a Perfect Marvel of Modern Technology and Ingenious Marketing.

I felt compelled to do my bit to boost the economy so there I was, just 4 minutes after the doors opened at the local Toys “R” Us on Saturday morning, fighting tooth and nail to get my hands on a Zhu Zhu. I may have clambered over a couple of pregnant woman and shoved aside an ancient crone with a walker in the process, but don’t tell anyone! I got my greedy little hands on one of the boxes. Triumph!

I took it home, unboxed it, and sure enough, our Zhu Zhu was pretty darn marvelous. It’s cute. It runs backwards and forward and spins. It goes around obstacles. It has a vast repertoire of barnyard noises – cars honking, cows mooing, toilets flushing, monkeys chattering. And it does all of this at random – just like it was alive! It walks and walk, it talks the talk – it’s PERFECT.

Except that our cats weren’t the slightest bit fooled. Ms. Z took one bite of its butt and – PFFFFFFFFFTOOEY! She couldn’t spit out fast enough in disgust.

Hmmmm.... there's more life in this cardboard box than in a Zhu Zhu.
Yes, we can tell when something's alive and when something is merely undead.
Which only confirms: Cats are smart. Humans are stupid.

There's must be some deep and profound significance in this tale about "Mass Production", "Jumping on the Trendy Bandwagon", "Scary Commercial Perfection", "Cookie-Cutter Tango Competition style dancing" and "Rabid Tango Ambitions". Unfortunately, I think the Zhu Zhu ate my brain.