An Email

My cat told me I have too many freakin' shoes and none of them are right

From: Irene
Sent: March 18, 2018 10:47 AM
To: Irene
Subject: Shoes!

Dear Irene of 2005,




Hi! I'm Irene - that means you - in 2018. No, this is not spam and you are not high. I'm really you. I have to tell you something and luckily (bizarrely) I discovered I had your email address.




Don't worry, it's not something serious. Everything is well here in 2018. You're (I'm - We're) still dancing Tango. I just have a little bit of Tango shoe situation. Like, too many Tango shoes and I'm not using like 95% of them. I keep on wearing the same four pairs and they are wearing out! I wanted to give you a little bit of advice before you buy so many goddamn pairs and fill up all the available closet space in the house - especially since Man Yung won't let me throw any or them out or sell them. I'm sure as hell not going to wear them if I'm going to dance like a turd in them and have Man Yung complain and whine about my dancing. It's the same husband by the way. Unfortunately, George Clooney married somebody else (no, really!) and she really does have the nicest shoes ever (darn!)




The best Tango shoes for us are Comme Il Faut. You don't need to consider any other brand.




Get size 37 only, that's our size. You will be tempted to get 38s because your feet are going to swell like crazy from tight ahem, "custom made" ill fitting foot destroying Tango shoes (forget about getting multiple pairs of those - Comme Il Faut will eventually come to Canada and you can wait) but 37 is our true size.




Our best heel height is 3 inches - stick to that. Higher heels do not make our feet look more elegant, rather, elegance comes from having a relaxed foot. I'm not going to tell you what a relaxed foot is, trust me, you will get it from practice and experience. Just give it some time.




You also don't want higher heels because you're going to be leading in those heels. Yep. Don't be alarmed, we will be fine leading in heels because we won't start early (In fact, you and I never wanted to start leading, we're going to say no, no, no, no, no to Man Yung who keeps on saying it's good for you (yeah right, I don't buy it) to lead for the next decade. That is, UNTIL we find out it is handy to take over the lead in situations where Man Yung is getting pissed off at some crazy flinging leader who is tailgating and wants to head butt/kick them while he is dancing). In fact, we're not going to start leading until our following is rock solid. But it's not going to work in 4 inch heels - we aren't going to follow well at that height, of course we won't be able to lead well.




We need open toe shoes. Not peep toe, because you can't grip the floor. And the best kind of shoe for us doesn't have a heel cage, just straps. Everyone you talk to say they like their shoes super tight and encasing (afraid to get stepped on probably) but we are the exact opposite. Obviously, what works for other people may not work for us, and vice versa.




As for colour - we don't need black shoes. Screw the idea that you need black shoes like you need a classic little black dress. They don't look right on us. They make us look short and even with relaxed feet you will look stubby.




I guess all other colours are fine so long they are not too dark or boring beige. However, the best shoe colour for you is GOLD! It goes with our skin tone so well, it's just like a neutral. It elongates our legs and goes with everything in our closet (except silver dresses).




So that's my advice for you: Get more gold, size 37, 3 inch high strappy Comme Il Fauts, the more the better.




Gotta go now.




What? You want more advice?




OK.




You will never regret saying "No". But you're going to regret every reluctant "Yes".




It's a good idea to start filming your Tango practice and watching them. The earlier the better. Then you will have no illusions about your crappy dancing. Oh what a shock you will have when you first saw a video of your dancing! LOL!




Don't get embroiled in Tango politics and don't side with Tango people who come to you with a pity story hiding daggers behind their backs. They have their own agendas, they will take advantage of your good and generous nature and they are nasty!




You might not want to get so many scarves.

Oh, before I forget - cherish the moments you have with the special people you meet in Tango. You'll be surprised how little time we really have with them.


There's not much other other advice really. We don't have any ulterior motives for "Tango World Domination" or want to profit or become famous from Tango, we just want to enjoy dancing so our Tango journey will be just fine. There's nothing right or wrong, nothing really to regret. Treat everything that comes your way as another opportunity to learn. Just enjoy the ride, I guess.


See you in 2018. Take care.