* OK, maybe not really like a Maestro, but at least not like a turd.
It's "Tango Festival" time! Or "Visiting Maestro(s)" time! I think every tango community has experienced it - when reknowned, famous, very important glamourous and amazing tango professionals from Buenos Aires (well, at the very least "not from here" or "from the next village over") drop in on our humble communities for special, big, huge, mega awesome events.
As everybody knows, when Tango VIPS visit, everyone puts on their poshest tango outfits and shiniest tango shoes. They dance beautiful elegant steps, always follow the compas and pay special attention to floorcraft and safety on the dance floor. That's because the presence of Tango Maestro-y Greatness is so inspiring. I can say with a completely straight face - these are occasions that truly bring out the best tango in everyone.
I lie! It actually brings out the WORST!
Fast dancers dance 500% faster!
Dancers who know a million steps too many suddenly know a gazillion more!
Adornistas who adorn excessively completely forget how to follow and just do machine gun adornment drills around their partners!
Leaders who bump into other people...well they bump a whole lot more.
And why?
They just want the visiting Maestros to look at them and say "Good Job!"
I know you were aiming for "Great Job" and not just "Good".
Come on people, all the stuff you are doing to impress the Maestros is just making them laugh!
Dancing faster doesn't make you look more professional, it makes you look like you drank too much coffee and Red Bull.
Dancing a gazillion tricky steps (and falling over your own feet) is the Tango equivalent of verbal diarrhea. Let's just call it what it is: Tango Diarrhea.
I'm not going to say anything about adornos. It is very entertaining to see ladies doing a merry adorno jig around their partners and any entertainment when you are paying double the price for half the fun is appreciated.
Bumping of course, is obviously not a sign of Tango Greatness. It is the sign of a Tango asshole.
Folks, dancing like this is not the way to impress a Tango Maestro.
You must do the opposite. Dance SLOWLY like you have all the time in the world. Dance only a few steps CLEANLY and CORRECTLY and TO THE MUSIC, because you enjoy it and not because you want people to look. Stop doing auto adornos. And STOP BUMPING OTHER PEOPLE.
All in all, dance like YOU are the Maestro and like you don't give a damn about any thumbs up.
In any case, the Maestros are not even looking. They are too busy drinking maté/beer, chatting with their friends, and worrying about how they will look when they dance/perform. Because they would like you to clap and applaud and say "Good Job" too!*
* "Ah, Irene, now I know why you dance the way you do at Tango Festivals," said Man Yung. "I was wondering why you are leading like you have drank Red Bull and a triple Espresso with no concern for music or other people and you are laughing your head off while doing it. You know the Maestros aren't looking! It's a free for all, dance floor Armageddon and no-one will give you thumbs up or down. It's like hiding in plain sight. Good job!"
Man Yung asked me last week, "Hey, why haven't you written anything on the blog lately?"
"I don't feel like saying anything," I said.
"Are you afraid of offending someone?"
"As if!" I replied. "I've got lots of complaints. I just haven't gotten around to making a funny story about them!"
1. Ladies with their stiletto heels in the air
Seems to be a trend lately. The skinnier and younger they are, the more they kick. Spiked feet slicing through the air without any consideration for others. And sometimes the leaders aren't even leading boleos!
They even end every tango with one leg snapped upwards. Scroll through photos of these ladies in Facebook and in 50% of the photos those heels are pointed to the ceiling and ready to impale.
Is it just empty headed reckless dance enthusiasm or some strange mindset about tango aesthetics? Doesn't it matter that they may hurt some tango sister nearby? Is there no chivalry among women anymore?
Keep those darn heels on the friggin' floor!
2. Have Tango DJs finally run out of Canyengue music - and have to resort to Circus tunes?
It's bad enough that at some milongas we have to hear Canyengues interspaced with tandas of D'Arienzo, Biagi and Donato. ALL NIGHT.
But it could be worse. They could run out of Canyengues. That's when the cleverest DJs in Toronto will start to play Circus Tango Music. Monkeys on unicycles sliding down tightropes under the big top kind of music. Just to complete the picture - the monkeys are chomping roses, wearing tuxedos and red sequinned fishnet dresses with fringes while yodelling, spinning, leaping and juggling bananas.
What, you don't know what I'm talking about?
Then you failed to make the mental association, and in fact enjoyed dancing the tanda enormously - even applauding the DJ heartily for the lively and "fun" tanda.
3. Stomping randomly at tango music is not a "good" tango step. In fact it is not even a step.
The step sequences on Youtube are just too difficult to copy. But the leader did stomp. I can stomp. Maybe I should do it too!
Whoops, you missed the beat when you stomped.
Apart from being meaningless, your stomping is actually showcasing your lack of musicality. You should really stop doing it and stick to the 8 count basic. You can fudge the music less noticeably that way, trust me.
4. How did so many people lose their sense of smell?
I can not stand dancing with people who smell like ripe armpits. Or onions. Or rotten fish. I couldn't even stand dancing with people who just smell like "nothing" or "neutral".
Give me a dance partner who smells like a citrus grove or a flower explosion any day.
But why is it that so many people are still happy to dance with dancers who smell awful? Are they just being polite? Is there something wrong with their noses?
Or are the smelly people dancing so fantastic that their awesome dance skills override any urge by their partners to vomit?
5. What's up with staring at yourself in the mirror while dancing?
I can't believe people are still doing this. I thought people had stopped deluding themselves.
Fourteen years ago when we first started tango, there was this guy who would stare at the mirror the whole time he was dancing. It was like he was so amazed by his own cirque du soleil tango moves he couldn't stop looking at himself.
He eventually realized that he wasn't as good as he thought he was. Doesn't dance tango very much anymore. Good - because all that looking at himself in the mirror and not looking at where he was going was seriously bad for his navigation skills.
Now there's ANOTHER guy who can't stop staring at himself in the mirror when he dances. And the way he dances - he's practically the first guy's spiritual dance twin.
They should get together and do a show. We'll play Circus Tango music while they fling and stare endlessly at themselves in the mirror. It may be tricky for them to juggle bananas without keeping their eye on the bananas, but I'm sure they will be incredibly impressed with themselves anyway.
Franco Luciani Trio at Lula Lounge, August 7, 2017
For those of you who couldn't make it to Toronto Tango Club or Lula Lounge over the long weekend: Sorry guys, you missed two fantastic, unforgettable nights of Argentinian music from the Franco Luciani Trio.
We caught the Trio in concert on both nights (for a steal of a price of $25 per person including milonga on both nights) and we are still jumping up and down with joy (literally!) from the experience of hearing them and watching them perform.
There is a informative biography of Franco Luciani on his official website in English and Spanish (link: http://francoluciani.com.ar/) I'm going to put a little excerpt here:
Instrumentalist, composer, vocalist and harmonica interpreter Franco
Luciani is considered by Argentine critics and the media to be one of
the most remarkable and talented musicians of the new generation. Born
in Rosario (Santa Fe, Argentina), in 1981, he started out studying drums
and percussion. He attended the National University of Rosario
[Universidad Nacional de Rosario], the Municipal School of Music
[Escuela Municipal de Música], and the Provincial School of Music
[Escuela Provincial de Música] in his hometown, graduating from this
last institution with the nationally validated degree of Music Teacher
Specialized in Symphonic and Drum Percussion. However, he ultimately
carved out a professional career as a harmonica player, covering all
types of harmonicas, but specializing in the chromatic one. He is an
exponent of Argentine popular music, both rural and urban (folk music
and tango, respectively). This inclination led him to compete in the
Pre-Cosquín Contest of the Cosquín National Folklore Festival in 2002,
where he was the winner in the ‘Instrumental Soloist’ category, and then
granted the 2002 Cosquín Best New Artist Award [Premio Revelación
Cosquín]. This festival, in which Franco has taken part non-stop since
then, is considered to be the most important festival of Argentine folk
music, and one of the main folklore festivals in Latin America.
Franco Luciani's biography also lists his extensive recordings, tours, prizes and mentions that he has "also shared the stage, toured and taken part in recordings with a
large number of renowned Argentine and foreign artists, such as
Mercedes Sosa, Fito Páez, Raúl Carnota, Chango Spasiuk, Pedro Aznar,
Jaime Torres, Divididos, Guillermo Fernández, León Gieco, Luis Salinas,
Teresa Parodi, María Volonté, Horacio Molina, Maria Graña, Amelita
Baltar, Dúo Coplanacu, Víctor Heredia, Eva Ayllón, Juan Carlos
Baglietto, Jairo, Gotan Project and Lila Downs, among others."
Franco Luciani's biography is truly impressive and his performances in Toronto with his Trio did not disappoint. The Trio consists of Franco Luciani on the harmonica and vocals, Leonardo Andersen on the guitar, and Alberto Munarriz (who is an Argentinian musical scholar living in Toronto, teaching musicality classes at the Toronto Tango Club) on the double bass.
Honestly speaking, the Franco Luciani Trio is the BEST group we have heard performing live Tango for dancing, and we have heard many world famous groups and orchestras over our fourteen years dancing tango in both Toronto and in Buenos Aires.
The Trio performed two very generous sets of forty minutes each at Toronto Tango Club on Sunday. They were only three musicians but they had a HUGE, beautiful sound backed by clear, driving compas. All of the music was danceable, you just can get on your feet and dance and the music never strayed from that core danceability.
At the Lula Lounge the following Monday, the Trio demonstrated their broad artistic talent with a showcase of music from Franco Luciani's latest CD, "Anda en el Aire". In the first set, we enjoyed a mesmerizing mix of folklore, tangos by Astor Piazolla and contemporary compositions by Franco Luciani himself. Later in the evening, we danced to more live Tangos, Valses and Milongas from the Trio.
How would we describe the music?
Franco Luciani is a wizard of the harmonica. In our opinion, he is Hugo Diaz but even better - because we can really dance to his music!
There is a wonderful comraderie between the members of the Trio. They are world class musicians but their music never loses that ease and delight comes from jamming between good friends.
Their music is human, moving, passionate, and close the roots. Man Yung says that he feels a lot of joy and peace listening to their music because it is SIMPLY SO GOOD.
Man Yung bought Franco Luciani's latest CD 'Anda en el Aire" right away and we've been listening to it on endless loop since Sunday!
Looking at Franco Luciani's Facebook page, he is going to be on the last leg of his North American tour starting this weekend in Montreal for the International Tango Festival. If you are going to be in Montreal for the weekend, make sure you catch one of his concerts, you are in for a treat.*
* And if you are a Milonga organizer and Franco Luciani is touring near you, you got to book him for your milonga. Dancing to his live music is such a splendid experience, there are no words!
"Violentango" by Astor Piazolla from Franco Luciani's newest album.
A local tanguero I was dancing with last week at one of the hottest milongas in town* laughed when we finished the tanda.
"When you detached your head from my head, strands of your sweaty hair unstuck themselves from my face!" * Meaning: No air conditioning
Gross. But that's how it is in the summer. Mozzarella hair and sweaty armpits for the ladies, soaked shirts and dripping faces for the gents.
I took three days off from work. Tried to go out during the day, but gave up and went home to air conditioning after only a few hours because it was just too hot.
Went to the milonga. The music was fantastic, the atmosphere was good - but didn't want to dance. Especially not milonga. Did not want to do any fast movements, complex movements, or even stand still and pause. Felt completely zapped.
Man Yung still filled with energy. "Let's do this and that move from Youtube!" Or: "Why don't you analyze Tango based on our experiences of eating ethnic food from mom and pop run restaurants versus ethnic food from large multi-million dollar franchise establishments!"
Ha ha! Maybe in September. Right now is a good time to run naked on a lawn through a sprinkler.
Don't want to be one with Tango partner, Tango music or the Universe. It's too frigging hot. 1 + 1 equals go ahead, you go boogie on as much as you want while I sit here in the shade with a beer.
I may consider becoming one with the freezer compartment of my fridge. Or perhaps a chilled watermelon.*
* "Irene!" exclaimed Man Yung. "You are so whinypants. It's not even THAT hot. We are having one of the coldest wettest summers on record!" "You're right!" I exclaimed back. "I'm just using the magic of blog writing to avoid having to write about any challenging Tango topics."
Did you see this video on Facebook? When Man Yung saw it (he's got a Facebook account, not me) he just HAD to show me right away.
"Look at all those pretty dresses! Oooooooooh!" he said.
And indeed, it was a video of the best most awesome fantastic tango dress ever. Every time the lady stepped out of range of the camera during a giro, her dress (and shoes) magically turned into something entirely different AND tango appropriate!
"Ooooooooooh!" I said (too). "I wish I had a dress like that!"
But not everyone has a Magic Unicorn Tears and Rainbows Tango Dress given to her by a generous Tango Fairy Godmother. Like all ordinary run-of-the-mill random tango follower, I had to learn the hard way -
What should I wear to Tango? 1. No 100% silk please.
I didn't have any dresses for tango when I first started. I'm not sure what I was wearing back then, but four months into tango lessons, we went to a tango festival milonga in Paris and I had to BORROW a little black dress from a non-tango friend because I literally had NOTHING to wear to the milonga.
After we came back, Man Yung took me clothes shopping and we bought a) a vermilion jersey dress with a silk paisley and floral chiffon overlay and b) two silk dupioni dresses, one in fuschia and the other in electric blue.
Silk takes to colour well so those dresses were very pretty. However, they were not so good for tango. When I tango, I sweat - and the silk chiffon clung to my skin and looked like a horrible lumpy mass. When I tried to hand wash the dress, it shrunk!
The dupioni dresses had no stretch. Only a slit at the back which ripped up more and more (stop leading so many enganches Man Yung!) Had to sew up the rip and give those dresses to my mom.
Man Yung always thought that silk clothing was cooling but his tango experience taught him otherwise. He bought a copy of loose fitting silk Hawaiian shirts (once again, silk takes colour dye very well so the patterns on the shirts were amazing) and tried to dance in them. The shirt kept the heat in and it was like a oven! He sticks to his Lacoste cotton pique polos now, they wick away sweat and keep him as cool as possible.
2. 100% cotton also a no-no.
Unless the cotton has a pique weaving, cotton shirts tend to stick to the skin when wet too. I wore some 100% cotton short sleeved shirts to the first Camicando festival we went to in Buenos Aires. With the heat and humidity and non-stop action of taking classes, my cotton shirts got sopping wet and were uncomfortable to wear.
100% cotton has no stretch, like silk. Tight clothing will rip under "vigorous tango action" (ha! that sounds funny but it is true), and even non-tight clothing will crease. I found out I had to avoid all cotton, linen and other wrinkle unfriendly fabrics for tango. It is kind of sad when you see ladies dressed lovely for the milonga, and they turn around and their dresses are all creased at the butt.
3. Synthetic stretchy fabrics are the way to go.
I wore Lululemon tank tops paired with flowy skirts to dance for years. The tops were comfortable, easy to wear, easy to wash, and a lifesaver on sweaty hot days. I know, it sounds kind of ghetto showing up at the milonga in yoga-wear, but some of the tops had dressy details like fancy patterned straps and low-key logos so they didn't look completely out of place in a milonga. If the skirt was fancy, the outfit looked great. And I never ripped anything! Gained fifteen pounds during that period (that was my fault and my ice cream maker's fault, not Lululemon's) and the clothes still fit. 4. Don't wear clothes that you hate...
You would think it was intuitive, not to wear anything that you hate to dance - but I know I still did!
Maybe it was something that Man Yung picked out for me that he loves because it reminds of ballerinas or Disney Princesses (but I feel like a dork or a doily while wearing it).
Or perhaps it was just uncomfortable. Made me itch. Like dresses with goddamn LACE patterns catching on everything and shredding bit by bit. Many ladies enjoy lace but for me it is a nightmare of itchy catchy tearing fabric.
Fringes! Nice classic tango cliché. Man Yung says dresses with fringes look really good when you are moving around on the dance floor. I tried on a dress that was just ONE BIG GIGANTIC FRINGE from the neckline down. It moved around so much I had to wrestle with it, put it in a headlock and then kick it in the stomach to get it on and off. And how was one supposed to wash such a creature? If you throw it in the washing machine I bet it would come out tangled and looking like coughed up hairball. Dry cleaning only dresses are NOT a good idea for sweaty ol' tango.
5. ...Or that hate you. For dancing tango.
Sometimes you know when a dress hates you. Like, you will be dancing merrily away, and then the strap breaks and your boobs pop out.
If the straps break and the seams burst while you are dancing, that dress is telling you something. Like, "Quit moving around so much you silly bugger - I was made to be worn STANDING STILL." Or perhaps your dress is telling you need to lose weight in the meanest way possible. That could be construed as "tough love" but I would interpret it more as sheer spite.
6. You don't need to go to a "Tango Fashion Store" to get a tango dress.
But you could. Or you can get them custom made. Turn up the "Tango" and the "Sexy" with clothing that is back revealing, navel revealing, leg revealing etc. For "performance" tango dress styles you probably need to go to a specialist tango designer to get all that but with built in protection against "wardrobe malfunctions". More power to you! But it isn't absolutely necessary.
I have bought many dresses at the mall (Melanie Lyne and The Bay have a good selection). Other very fashionable tangueras I know have bought stunning tango dresses in mom-and-pop stores on the street and at TTC Subway Stations (!), standalone boutiques and even online (although online is kind of risky because you don't get to try the dresses on before you buy. Skill at sewing and alterations or a good return policy is really handy in this case).
You just need to find something that is stretchy, comfortable, pretty (nice colours and patterns with a bit of style) and lo and behold! Tango dress!
In fact, most dresses that fit in the above criteria can even double as dresses you can wear to work, under a suit jacket or on casual Fridays.
7. The best Tango Dress is the one you makes you forget that you are wearing it.
I know people always say this but the best tango dress is the one that you feel so comfortable in, that feels so "you", you forget what you wearing and you just dance.
It is absolutely true! You aren't tugging at it because it doesn't fit well, you aren't worried about what people are thinking, and you can just enjoy being yourself, being with your friends and dancing the night away.
You can get to that state either by developing unshakeable confidence i.e. I don't care what I am wearing I am fabulous! Or you can get to that state by getting a dress that is so fantastic it obliterates any self-esteem issues you may have.
Mostly I think it is a bit of both - just the right amount of confidence AND a dress that isn't too bad.
As for me, I am definitely getting on the waiting list for the Unicorn Tears and Rainbow Fairy Godmother Tango Dress. Can't wait until it comes out in the stores! :-)
Recently, a beginner woman leader asked me for advice on how to improve her leading. She had been taking a lot of classes but was still too nervous/scared about her abilities to lead in a milonga.
I told her that there aren't any secrets.
"To begin with, you don't need a lot of steps. If you can lead a salida, walk forward, turn left and turn right, and do an ocho cortado, you are already well equipped, stepwise, for any social dancing situation. After that, all you need to do is practice and gain experience by leading more in the milonga."
"But what if it is crowded?" she asked. "It is terrifying trying to lead when there are so many couples spinning around you. I don't want to bump into anybody!"
I think that a lot of women are deterred from improving their leading precisely due to this kind of fear. "The only way to get better at navigation in a crowded setting is to DANCE MORE IN A CROWDED SETTING," I said. "Just leap into the thick of things until you get used to it and you overcome your fear. You will bump a bit initially but it will get better as you get more confident and experienced. Remember that all men leaders - including your favourites - had to go through the same thing and bump like crazy when they started.
"I benefited a lot from leading at the busiest local milongas, and then deliberately going to tango festivals where there are crowds AND the craziest whirling flinging dancers trying to show off all around you. If you can survive that, you can pretty much survive anything."
"In any case, men leaders are generally courteous to women leaders - they usually try not to bump into a woman leading if they can help it," I added. "Men learning to lead have a harder time. I think men leaders are more aggressive to other men leaders and they will bully each other on the dance floor and get all pugilistic due to excess testosterone. ONLY ONCE did I encounter a man leader who deliberately knocked into me when I was leading. Several times in one tango! I told him off at the end of the tanda while he sprouted inane and irrational justifications on why he was entitled to dance like an asshole rather than a gentleman. I was rolling my eyes in disbelief. He must have had a fight with his girlfriend before the milonga, poor sad baby."
She laughed. "That's all great advice and I'm going to try leading when it is crowded. However, I still don't think I'm ready. I think I would like to practice more on my steps in class and in practices. I don't want to look stupid in the milonga - what if my favourite leaders are watching? They won't want to dance with me anymore looking like an idiot when I lead!"
"I haven't had any leader stop wanting to dance with me because I was leading," I said. "And people aren't really looking at you - they are more concerned about the way they are dancing or who to cabeceo to care about looking at how you are leading. And what's more - I can guarantee to you - despite how awkward you feel, you won't look stupid leading because you are already FIVE TIMES better as a dancer than _________________, the biggest hotshot in the milonga."
She looked at me in surprise. "That is not true! How can I possibly be a better dancer than _____________? He knows so many steps and he does them so quickly and skillfully!"
"Yes, he dances faster and bigger than anybody else but he is also reckless and unmusical. Most beginner women leaders are already better tango dancers than the local hotshot because they care about their partners, the music, the feel of their tango and the safety of the people around them. This means that they will work on and improve their embrace, their musicality, and their walk and their navigation. _______________ may be able to do more steps but all he cares about is showing those steps off and fantasizing about becoming a star tango professional. Instead of embracing his partners, he contorts them and pushes them out so he can have more space for fancy footwork. Instead of dancing to the music, he sacrifices the compas so he can squeeze in more steps. And instead of respecting other couples on the dance floor and making sure that the milonga is a safe place, he zips around like he is a formula one driver on a racetrack and leads his partners into dangerous high boleos wily nily. You can ask anybody in the milonga for their opinion. Who looks more stupid?"*
* This doesn't mean all women leaders are good though. I've seen women leaders who dance just as dangerously as the hotshot - and sometimes worse because they don't have sufficient experience with navigation. They end up whirling really fast in the middle of the dance floor and people have give them a wide berth. Once anybody - male or female - stops caring about dance floor safety because they want to show off, they become horrible dancers.
Our beloved maestro El Gallego Manolo just celebrated his 85th birthday last week with a wonderful exhibition in Salon Canning. His partner was the beautiful and talented Natacha Poberaj, the 2006 world Tango Salon champion. We called Manolo on his birthday and he was in high spirits and still excited about his performance with Natacha in Canning. He was especially happy that through the magic of modern technology, we had already seen videos of the exhibition in Facebook.
Here's the Milonga, Tango and Canyengue they danced to for your enjoyment!
We just bought tickets to see the renowned French countertenor Phillippe Jaroussky in concert with Les Violons du Roy at Koerner Hall in April. We are very excited about this concert. We both love opera and Phillippe Jaroussky is one of the best, if not the best countertenor in the world right now. Other countertenors may sign higher or louder but we haven't heard any who can sign with the same kind of beauty, artistry and emotion as Phillippe. Just listen to this gorgeous Vivaldi aria!
"I'd like to make a comment about 'higher and louder'," said Man Yung. "What would you prefer to watch, one of those fast and furious acrobatic tango performances with complicated flinging, high kicks but no feeling, or the simple dancing of the old milongueros which is filled with musicality and passion?"
I happen to know lots of people who love the former and not the latter! There's nothing more exciting than watching the tango equivalent of someone being shot out of a cannon through a ring of fire over an erupting volcano with TNT strapped to their bodies. But I digress.
I actually hesitated quite a bit before I bought the tickets. Not because they were expensive, or because we didn't have time to go. No. I hesitated to buy the tickets because hearing Phillippe Jaroussky sing live may very well KILL Man Yung.
I don't have a problem with being overcome with something so lovely I would keel over on the spot. I did start sweating a bit when I first heard Phillippe Jaroussky sing in a video on Youtube, but that was about it. Man Yung, on the other hand - I thought he was having a heart attack! Turned out to be indigestion, but it was indigestion CAUSED by the utterly ravishing sound of Phillippe Jaroussky's singing.
There are actually a couple of things that Man Yung has said he will not be able to withstand any more at his age. An exhibition of Modigliani's paintings. Beethoven's 3rd Symphony. Any more pet cats. I just hope that a Phillippe Jaroussky concert won't prove to be dangerous to Man Yung's health. Especially since he hasn't taken out a policy of life insurance (with me as a beneficiary) just to cover such a contingency.
This reminds me of something someone once told me about an old milonguero. Being quite advanced in age, there was quite a high chance that he would accomplish what every true milonguero wishes for - to die with a blissful smile on his face while dancing Tango. He actually started a fund in case he would die dancing. The unlucky/lucky lady who is dancing with him when he kicks the bucket would get the proceeds of the fund! OK, it would probably be no more than $100 but still, it's the thought that counts.
"Just think about it, Man Yung! ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS! I can probably get myself a nice lobster dinner. And the happy milonguero would go to heaven while being in the heaven of my tango embrace!" I said.
"With the way YOU dance?" scoffed Man Yung. "Impossible! I think he would like to SURVIVE that experience and have better luck with the next lady."
Ha ha Man Yung. Anyway, whether or not I or anyone else would die dancing Tango, it is a fact that Tango is full of dangerous, health and life-threatening experiences. Just listen to these recent comments by Toronto Tangueros:
"OMG! His embrace is like anaconda. I think need a chiropractor. He nearly crushed my neck into my spine!"
"Phew! What a close call. That lady's high kick almost sliced my head open!"
"The DJ has been playing tinny rhythmic Canyengues ALL FRIGGIN' NIGHT. It is so boring and monotonous, you might as well KILL me right now."
"Oh GAG! I ALMOST DIED trying to hold my breath for 13 minutes. For god's sake, hasn't he heard of something called DEODORANT?"
A Toronto Tanguero friend recently asked me for advice in a subject I knew really well in Tango. I'm not going to say what topic it was, but trust me, I know my stuff.
In my experience, many people who ask for advice in Tango aren't seeking any. More likely, they are looking for an opportunity to show off what they know. Or they are looking for some kind of praise or validation. My friend was sincere, he really wanted to hear what I had to say. So I told him.
I explained as clearly and patiently as I could and gave my best, most honest counsel. My friend listened attentively, but at the end, he exclaimed -
"But that's what everybody says!"
I was quite surprised to hear that everybody did say that. And that that my friend had heard the same advice before from others. Because, quite frankly, most people as far as I could see DID EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE. And that includes my friend!
Investigation was in order and a quick google search resulted in cyberpages upon cyberpages of fantastic advice about Tango. How to listen to the music. How to dance with emotion. How to embrace. How to connect. Written convincingly, beautifully, poetically. Everybody an expert and all of them Shakespeare to boot.
An acquaintance once gave us a videotape with a documentary about Tango. Couldn't really refuse her, she was so enthusiastic. "It's like a poem, they way they talk about Tango. You would love it!" she said.
Ah, but I was born a cynic and didn't watch the video without any expectations. And lo and behold, I was not pleasantly surprised either.
Everyone spoke so enchantingly about Tango in the video, if they could dance their words, they would all be EVEN BETTER than the milongueros.
Too bad the actual dancing was s***.
"Are these people really still TEACHING people to dance?" asked Man Yung when he turned the tv off in disgust.
Lots of people can talk the talk but not walk the walk. Can't really even jiggle their legs to the beat even if you hit them over the head with it (to mix all the metaphors - I'm not one for writing beautifully. Or grammatically. Too frigging bad). Man Yung has another golden phrase for this.
"EVERYONE says they listening to the music when they dance! But quite a lot of them are NOT. Just bloody look at them!"
You can test that out next time at your local milonga. Go up to the people who are obviously dancing like they are deaf, and ask them if they are dancing to the music. They are not going to say that they are not!
"Oh look at that Man Yung and Irene! Dancing like a couple of deaf prats. Don't listen to them!"
"Yeah right... a couple of prats. IN 2007. We are even BIGGER PRATS NOW!"
Once, a local instructor told us that he didn't dare watch any old videos of himself performing because it was so embarrassing and looked so bad.
We don't have such a problem. Everybody looked crappy at one point - maybe they still do! We are what we are. No baggage and no need to burn the evidence!
Back to my friend. Yes, perhaps he had heard it all before. But why did he do the opposite?
Turns out he did not really UNDERSTAND what that advice really meant. I had drive it all home by mercilessly picking him apart. And do it all again the next time I saw him. And the next time. And the next time.
He must be a real friend because 1) he let me pick him apart and 2) it really did sink in after a while. 100% better! See, I know what I'm talking about.*
* Man Yung says, "The trouble with you, Irene, is that you are not ASSERTIVE enough. You may know something 100%, but when you try to explain it, your wishy washiness makes you look like you only know 20%. You have to make yourself look like AN EXPERT. Look at me! I may know something 20%, but my RADIANT CONFIDENCE makes me look like I am a PhD!" ** ** Drum roll to eye roll. "If they want to listen, they will. No amount of overbearing posturing (or threatening bodily harm) will convince anyone if they are not receptive to your advice. Don't waste your time or breath!"
