How to grow five inches AND lose fifteen pounds and two dress sizes in ten minutes

A pinch of salt

I was shopping at our favourite lady’s clothing retailer a few days ago with Man Yung.  The store is known for its whimsical clothing, and sometimes I can find some really great “Statement” skirts and tops for work and for Tango that are out of the ordinary.  Sometimes, however: the cute blue shift dress with the repeating kitty-cat pattern or the frilly lace pencil skirt with a peplum the colour of Pepto-Bismol only looks good on the rack - because when I put them on, I look like I just escaped the insane asylum.

I was trying on a teal draped jersey dress when the Most Amazing Sales Associate in the World started her shift. 

“That’s a nice dress you’re trying on.  What do you think?” she asked me as I scrutinized the fit in the mirror.

I frowned. “My husband thinks that it makes me look like I’m a little pregnant,” I said.

The Most Amazing Sales Associate in the World looked at me in shock and horror.  “How can that be possible, you are TOO PETITE to have any tummy issues.”  She then spotted Man Yung who still had an expression of disapproval about the dress, so she added diplomatically, “Of course, your husband is entitled to have his own opinion, and maybe someone who is bigger may show some tummy with this dress with the way that it is designed……… but really, you are so TINY and PETITE this isn’t a problem for you at all.  What size are you?

“Errrr… usually size four or six…”

“You are too small to be size four or six, you are only a SIZE TWO – this is why this size small for this dress looks perfect on you. By the way, how tall are you?”

“Between five two, five three…”

“NO WAY, you are at least five five!”

OK, you can fudge dress sizes - but a growth spurt in middle age?  I looked at her skeptically.

She nodded vigorously.  “You should get remeasured, you must have GROWN since the last time you checked. I can see that we are the same height and I’m five five – I am very particular about heights and I know my height.  I can tell you are totally five five AND with a nice pair of heels on you would look FIVE EIGHT and absolutely thin, tall and marvelous in that dress!”

Since I have “SUCKER” tattooed all over my forehead (and of course, don’t forget that now I am a VERY PETITE SIZE TWO FIVE EIGHT IN HEELS!!!! YEAH!) I absolutely had to have that dress (on sale!)

As I happily handed over my credit card, I remarked, “Wow, suddenly I feel pretty good about myself today!”

The Most Amazing Sales Associate in the World grinned from ear to ear.  “My pleasure!  You guys have a wonderful evening now!”*

* Not ready really to advance to the next level of Tango classes?  Or to take the stage and perform a nifty Tango choreography?  Or even become an Assistant Tango instructor?  All you need is a little pep-talk from a Tango instructor who is just as "talented" as our Sales Associate.  Everyone can be  VERY PETITE SIZE TWO FIVE EIGHT IN HEELS (even if you aren't) in Tango, you just need a good dose of shameless flattery! **

** For example:

"Wonderful!"

"Fantastic!"

"You are so elegant!"

"You must honestly be one of the students with the most potential in Tango that I have ever had the pleasure to teach!"