Fast Cars (and Faster Milongueros)

 Your dream car... turned into your worst nightmare

We have a mechanic who is excellent at his job - and honest too.  We are so lucky.  Our beat up old Honda just had a tune up and now it runs like it is brand new!

While we were waiting for the shop to wrap up the work, we had a nice chat with our mechanic.  His life's dream is to drive as many of his "dream cars" as possible.  A few of his cars were parked outside the garage and he showed them off to us.

"My cars are the ones with the similar license plates.  They have my lucky numbers!  That is my Mercedes Benz ___________.*  It's sporty and handles beautifully - you should feel it when it accelerates into a curve.  Usually though, I like to drive my Acura ________* crossover.  It's roomy and cruises so smoothly, it's like driving a big ship."

* We aren't car people - when our mechanic told us the model of car, we promptly forgot.

"Have you ever driven a Lincoln - or a Cadillac?" asked Man Yung.  He likes large luxury sedans.

"Never a Lincoln - but I've driven a Cadillac.  Didn't like it very much, even though it was big and comfortable.  I don't like American cars, they have too many maintenance issues and they guzzle gas like nobody's business.  Talking about this type of car - did you know I once owned a Rolls-Royce?"

"Holy!  Did you like driving your Rolls?" we asked.

"Nah, it was so chunky and clumsy to drive, it felt like I was riding in a big square box.  I prefer cars that are sleek, agile - and fast."

"You obviously prefer sportscars - do you have a Lamborghini, or a Porsche?"

"I haven't had either, but I've had a Ferrari!  It was gorgeous.  I used to take it up to Main Street Thornhill and park on the side of the road so that all tourists passing by can gawk at it."  He had a dreamy look on his face.  But then he came back to reality and looked kind of sad.  "I was in love with that car, but I had to give it up."

"What happened?  Did you crash it?"

"No, no - not that tragic.  The problem was, the engine was TOO powerful and the engineering TOO exquisite.  Just a tiny touch on the gas pedal, and that car would go straight to 170!  Or more!  You simply can't do that on ordinary roads in the city."

"How about the highways?  Couldn't you test out the car on the highway?"

"What, are you kidding, with all those helicopters overhead catching speeders?  The car was wonderful to look at and a treasure to drive, but it wasn't made for ordinary driving.  Whenever I was driving it I was too scared to even touch the gas because the car would lurch forward at light speed.  I was driving around doing 50 on a 60 limit road and other drivers would laugh at me as they passed by!"

Yep, gals - those good-for-nothing, no job, just dancing all night every night milongueros - they aren't for you!  They are just like this poor mechanic's Ferrari.  You can show him off to your Tango friends and under ideal dance conditions in the milonga, he can make you look like a million bucks when you are dancing round and round the track with him.  However, do not be deceived, your guy is in no way made for ordinary driving.

A real milonguero is even faster than a Ferrari - if there is any other attractive tanguera within ten feet of him, he will be off like a shot before you can catch him cabeceo.  If you want him stick around, you can't let him anywhere near another woman, a milonga, or even Tango music, because have anything like this near him and he will be gone!  And if that's the case, what is the use in dating someone like that?**  ***  ****

**I know from personal experience - Man Yung is also faster than a Ferrari on the dance floor.  No, I have not been able to catch him cabeceo-ing all the other ladies - I swear, I was just looking at my iPhone for a second!  You should see Man Yung in action in the milongas of Buenos Aires - always going off to dance with this, that and the other lady!  When we are sitting with Martha and Manolo or Osvaldo and Coca, they give him the evil eye and warn me about the dangers of letting him run around like that - they've seen plenty of milongueros in their time and THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE UP TO. 

Ah, but do they know that I know Man Yung won't be going anywhere really.  If he even tries any funny business, I know a good recipe involving garlic, onions, a slow cooker and his favourite cat. 

*** Our mechanic asked Man Yung, "So, what is YOUR dream car?"  

Man Yung replied, "I hate driving!  Doesn't matter what car it is, so long that it involves a chauffeur!  But not Irene, because I am scared of the way she drives."

**** "Now we know why we have found so many sports cars going so slowly on the roads here in Toronto." I said.  "It's because if they even try to go normal speed, they will go too fast!  Man Yung, you have to pity those poor sports car drivers, they must be in agony because they bought the car so that they can go fast, but they can't go fast because they would be breaking the law!"