Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Your very own personal "Fabio"

A lot of people in Toronto got a really exciting email today - it confirmed that a very special tango visitor was coming to Toronto within a week! It was so exciting that several of my tanguera friends emailed me all at once to let me know that they had received the email, and that if I really wanted, they could forward the email to me so I could salivate over its every detail (but unfortunately, I hadn't escaped the mass email so I had to forgo that particular pleasure).

So, in celebration of all this excitement, I dedicate this post to all the bad boys of the tango world: the notorious rakes, the charming cads, the "amnesiac philanderers" , the "mad, bad and dangerous to know" - and their fervent, ardent admirers.


Summer's almost here! I don't know what it's like in your tango community, but summer in Toronto means that we are sometimes invaded by errant tall (or short), dark, handsome tango "dancers", "professionals", "instructors", "performers", "gurus" from lands far far away. Like a cloud of shimmering evanescent blackflies on a delicious warm summer breeze they descend on our humble and backward little city, dazzling all with their unspeakable tango prowess, ravishing good looks and infinite charm - and deservingly acquiring a flock of admirers, male and female, along the way. And like the shimmering blackflies, they disappear at the first hint of the cool winds of autumn, leaving the bitten and the bitter in their wake.*

But what is tango without the "Fabios"** of the tango world? Who else can create the air of nervous excitement in the milonga as everyone anticipates his arrival? All those curious and jealous eyes, watching and scrutinizing as he enters the room with his newest swooning belle; the loose lips and wagging tongues dissecting every iota of gossip about what happened between "Fabio" and so-and-so after his last workshop; the pounding hearts of the chosen ones who are so lucky to be invited to dance ... or more.

Without "Fabio", would our followers be motivated to dress in anything more daring than cargo pants and flip flops? Would our leaders ever feel the heat of competition and aspire to sartorial and olfactory measures that go beyond that ratty old polo shirt and Old Spice? "Fabio" brings out the best in everyone - the highest Comme Il Fauts, the shortest skirts, the most transparent risque tops, the most dashing new pinstripe suit and tie, the spiffiest new black and white shoes - and the highest standards of personal hygiene ever experienced on the dance floor.

With "Fabio" around, tango isn't boring old tango anymore, it is TANGO. All the secret intrigue, heightened drama, fedoras and fishnet stockings that make TANGO such a thrill. Leaders, fantasize that you are "Fabio" (and take plenty of lessons with him), and your dancing will hopefully acquire that extra special something that you have been looking for all your life. Followers, fantasize that you are with "Fabio" (and this is a must: take plenty of private lessons with him), and your ordinary life will no longer be ordinary.

Before you take the high moral ground, consider this: THIS IS WHAT GREAT LITERATURE IS ABOUT: The Prodigal Son, the Reformed Rascal, Heathcliff, Lord Byron, Mr. Rochester, James Bond. The last time we checked, Harlequin made $585 million in sales in 2003.

Want a little "Fabio" in your community? Drop us a line and we'll send one to you express DHL. But be careful, he might just want to stay (or come back year after year after year after year).

* But like the harmless bite of the blackfly, proverbially, there's no injury that couldn't be fixed with a good old dose of polisporin and anti-itch cream.

** Haven't heard of Fabio? Have you been living under a rock for the past twenty years? THIS is Fabio:
http://www.fabioifc.com/

(If you are wondering, the romance novel cover was ruthlessly misappropriated without permission from http://www.worldoflongmire.com/features/romance_novels/)

3 comments:

susanita said...

Hahahah or in Spanish jajajajaj!!

You are so funny. I'm not sure which Tango hero you are talking about since I did not get the mass email but i do remember a visit not long ago by one of these young guns. I was surprised at the time by the amount of heat he generated mostly amongst the females and was left trying to figure out why. Yup he is young and cute and that's it and apparently that's enough.
But he is a cocky mean spirited sun of a gun who believes his own press and yet people were lined up to watch him and take classes from him and, oh my, dance with him. Why would any one want to make the kind of connection one tries to make to dance well with someone who is not very nice and has no musicality and a lousy walk? Oh I forgot he is young and cute.

Irene Ho said...

Dear Susanita,

Great comment - I wasn't quite inspired by the particular "Fabio" you were talking about, but isn't it great that so many fit the bill? They must have been mass-produced in some factory in China - right next to the factories producing barbie dolls, politicians and fake LV's!

Johanna said...

I had no idea I was under a rock until I stumbled on this post, Irene! Have I landed in one of the 9 circles of Hell???

I believe the Fabio Factory in China has expanded its operations to numerous areas in the US, with distribution centers in some of the former Soviet states.

Alberto Dassieu

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