"Hey Man Yung, did you see the Crazy Chicken Lady at the milonga tonight? I think it will be swell to write about her in our next post!"
Man Yung frowned. "Irene, that's not very nice of you to say that! I'm sure that she can't help it. Beside, it's not nice to make fun of ladies and hurt their feelings," he said.
So here I am, telling you, officially -
THERE ARE NO CRAZY CHICKEN LADIES IN TORONTO TANGO. They are purely a figment of your imagination.
Therefore, you did not see the Crazy Chicken Lady at the weekend milongas - certainly not at the milongas we went to, ha ha! In fact, you would be hard-pressed to find her, flapping up and down and squawking with glee, even at the Happy Jolly Tango!! Association, where presumably she and many of her kind could have been hatched by the horde in the warm, fuzzy, inviting, non-judgmental atmosphere.
In addition, the Crazy Chicken Lady, being fantasy, did not explode in a cloud of feathers (and a fury of automatic ochos, high voleos, jumps onto laps, drops, spins and ganchos) when dancing with the intrepid (and equally insane) Tangueros who asked her to dance. Exploding feathers connote extreme, uncontrollable excitement, and the Crazy Chicken Lady could not possibly be that excited, since she does not exist.
If you thought that you were gored by the Crazy Chicken Lady's chicken feet while she was doing show tango moves on the crowded dance floor, you were mistaken. The Crazy Chicken Lady would not spread her legs wider or kick her heels higher irregardless of what she was actually being led to do, because I swear, no-one was leading her - and she wouldn't follow what was being lead anyway.
The Tangueros Deserving of Their Own Nicknames did not have a field day that night. They had no chance to draw attention to themselves and their dangerous and reckless moves, because they did not dance with the Crazy Chicken Lady who is like the cherry on top of the big crazy idiot show tango pie, no sirreee, she wasn't there. And the high pitched delighted screeching and giggling you thought you heard - it was merely an auditory hallucination. Stop smoking whatever it is you are smoking!
I'm absolutely certain that the Crazy Chicken Lady did not thwump into Man Yung that night while we were dancing - not when she was paired with a Crazy Tanguero, and certainly not when she was zig-zagging from side to side in sheer hilarity on her way to the washroom. I know this because I was dancing with Man Yung when the thwumping and thwacking occurred - as I had my eyes closed, I didn't see anything. I'm sure Man Yung just tripped over his own shoelaces every single time.
If you happen to be reading this, rest assured that you are not the Crazy Chicken Lady. The Crazy Chicken Lady has not, and will not read any of the posts on this blog, or learn from the wise and edifying lessons to be garnered therein. If she had read any of this, she wouldn't be so crazy, would she?
Is there anyone else out there who is a fan of The Kids in the Hall? Mark McKinney's Chicken Lady was such a hoot!
"The Chicken Lady at a Strip Show" from vintage The Kids in the Hall - what a fine piece of drama!