“WHAT!??!!!” you say in astonishment. “ANOTHER TANGO FESTIVAL ?!??!! Doesn’t the GTA (That's the Greater Toronto Area for all you folks who don't know) already have TWO, or is it THREE, or is could it even be FOUR regular (or something like that) Tango Festivals? Can you say OVERKILL?”
Superficially, this additional Tango Festival extravaganza may seem to be a little on the side of overkill – after all, our tango community has only about 5 dancers. However, don’t forget - we also happen to have 350 teachers, so we have to find something for them to do!
The venues have been booked, the classes have been scheduled, the prices have been set. The DJs have been carefully selected, and a whole roster of Local Instructors, Guest Instructors, Local Guest Instructors, Guest Assistant Instructors, Guest Assistants of the Assistant Instructors and Guest Instructors, Local Assistants of the Guest Assistants of the Assistant Instructors and Guest Instructors, Assistant Instructors and Guest Instructors, Local Volunteers assisting the Local Assistants of the Guest Assistants of the Assistant Instructors and Guest Instructors etc. etc. (forgive me if I have missed anyone on the list) - have been meticulously hand-picked from the luminaries of tango from all corners of the tango globe.
But how can he distinguish his Tango Festival from all the other Tango Festivals? What will be that extra special something that will make the people flock to his event, and not all the other twenty contemporaneous tango events within a 800 km radius?
Our suggestion: What you need to promote your Tango Festival and make it the big stand out is a nice big shiny poster showing all the Tango VIP's in all their enticing Tango Glory!
All those hours spent by Irene and Man Yung gawking at the free tango shows on Calle Florida are paying off big time, as Irene and Man Yung presents:
Irene and Man Yung's Illustrated Guide to "Successful Tango Publicity Poses"
You may be more flexible and athletic than a circus cortortionist. You may be dressed in full flashy black and red Tango regalia. You may even wear the current au courant "Someone stole my goat" Tango facial expression that signifies to the whole world that you are a serious Tango Artist. But what is your Tango Publicity Pose really saying?
EVERYONE knows that Argentine Tango is nothing other than "The Vertical Expression of a Horizontal Desire". Fail to adhere to this ideal in your publicity materials and your Tango Festival, Tango Event, Tango Spectacular - in fact, your whole Tango Career - shall suffer the consequences.
Let Irene and Man Yung help your Tango Publicity Pose with the following tips and tricks starting with a simple example - The "Standing Three-Legged Tango Pose":
1. Standing Three-Legged Tango Pose
A common enough pose. Does it make people think "TANGO"? NO! They are thinking about Merchant and Ivory movies and cucumber sandwiches.
TANGO is PASSION and ENTWINING and PENETRATION - in fact, it should be THIS (CAUTION: Illustration has been carefully censored to protect the minds of the underaged and non-parentally supervised):
2. Kneeling Tango Pose
For the slightly more advanced - The "Kneeling Tango Pose":
NO! NO! NO! It has no virility. It is FLACCID. In TANGO, MAN is MAN and WOMAN is WOMAN. MAN is not COOKED OATMEAL, and WOMAN is not PUREED APPLESAUCE. Your strong limbs must enter into each other's SPACES - there you will find TANGO. You must make it THIS:
3. Reverse Nuevo/Alternative Tango Pose
For the Nuevo/Alternatively inclined - don't think you are off the hook. You must make extra effort to be TANGO. This is what we see all the time - the "Reverse Nuevo/Alternative Tango Pose":
It is HORRIBLE. It is not TANGO. Where is the TANGO CONNECTION? Where is the TANGO FIRE? Where is THIS:
4. Reverse+ Reverse Nuevo/Alternative Tango Pose
All you Nuevo/Alternative Tangoists, you are very clever. You are innovative. You are vanguardista, as the Argentines say. You make a "Reverse+Reverse Nuevo/Alternative Tango Pose"....
... But all the Reversals in the world does not make your pose TANGO. You can do what you like to Australian Didgeridoo music superimposed with copious amounts of Gotan, but do not neglect THIS:
5. Lying Down Tango Pose
For the very advanced, very expert Tangazorias, we have the "Lying Down Tango Pose":
Dear lady, you are as fresh as a daisy and all the fainting violets. Did you have a pleasant nap? Well, please wake up, because your pose is not TANGO! In the throes of TANGO PASSION, you must not be DEMURE. You must do as the TANGOCHAMPIONS do at 0:09 and 3:10 of their riveting TANGO PERFORMANCE - they are not TANGOCHAMPIONS of the WORLD for NOTHING:
6. Standing-Up Tango Pose
We end this Guide by going back to basics. And yet, like you always hear about "Tango Embrace" and "Tango Walk" - "Tango Standing-Up" is one of the most difficult and intriguing of Tango Poses:
Do it wrong and you will look like you are merely engaging in the Argentine National Pastime - waiting for the bus, waiting for your VISA, waiting for your DNI, waiting for customs clearance - also known as "Standing-Up" in queue and WAITING.
What you need is some of this:
YES, you may not be ENTWINING with PASSION but you are PENETRATING each other with your GAZE.
If all else fails, try this:
Works as a Tango Publicity Pose, works on the dance floor, works even at home! An all-round WINNER!