Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Hot Sh** (Not)

Just when we thought that Toronto Tango leaders were following the line of dance and dancing with respect for other dancers on the dance floor....

"Wow, look at that HOT guy weaving out in and out of all of the lanes of dance at once like Formula One on speed!" somebody shrieked.

All Tangueros and Tangueras swiveled their heads to look.

Yes indeed, some skinny tall guy with fashionable facial hair in an untucked shirt was plowing violently through the crowd with his high-kicking (and also skinny) partner. The bodies of pathetic, old, unattractive and weakling dancers caught in his path were being flung helplessly in all directions in the growing trail of destruction.

He spins menacingly with knees, elbows, heels all jutting out at once!  He tailgates!  He takes up  more space than twenty dainty milonguero couples! He takes big long strides right into furniture and other people!  In fact, he has more sparkly arrogant invincible confidence about his dancing...than someone who actually dances well!

"Ooooooooh!  So dreamy!" went the collective sigh across the room.


"I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my" - Genius lyrics!

 "Come on guys! He's not THAT hot!  In fact, I would say that a leader who is so atrociously inconsiderate to all the people around him is NOT HOT AT ALL," I said.  "Attractiveness is no carte blanche for being an asshole on the dance floor!  I think there must be a word to describe him, but how can you put Bimbo and Tanguero together?...Bimbanguero?  Tanguerimbo?"

My objections were ignored.  All eyes, male and female, stare in his direction for the next chance at cabeceo. Who cares how much injury he inflicts when he dances - so long he isn't fat and/or old?

Why be a good social dancer if you are... skinny, fast, young and good-looking?*  All the ladies (and especially the ones who are tall and who look like models and who kick so high on the dance floor you can see their knickers) are DYING to dance with you even though you don't know how to dance Tango socially.

* The unfortunate truth - you can get away with murder in Tango if:

1.  You are good looking!
2.  You are young AND average to good looking!
3.  You are so stylish people mistake you for someone good looking!
4.  You are a Tango instructor!
5.  You are a Tango instructor from Argentina!
6.  You are a young, good-looking Tango instructor from Argentina!

For all those hoping to dance like a Bimbanguero/Tanguerimbo with no repercussions, good luck with your reincarnation into the next life.  Hope you will reincarnate into a young, good-looking Tango instructor from Argentina, then no-one will mind!




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Alberto Dassieu

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