Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Pee in a bottle

 Wait a moment...you means that's not???????

Man Yung swears that this is a true story because he read it in the news.  I'm going to tell the story again - but I'm not going to say, however, where it happened, and what country's citizens were involved, for the protection of the innocent and wicked alike.  Here goes:

A tourist family was eating in a busy restaurant in the foreign country they were visiting.  While they were eating, one of the little tourist boys needed to wee. Tourist mom, being well prepared, whipped out a sturdy wide-mouthed bottle ... so that tourist son can, ahem, "relieve" himself in it right there in the dining room.

A passing waitress noticed and was appalled at the imminent wee-spectacle about to unfold in front of all the other restaurant patrons.  "Ma'am," she said, "There are restrooms upstairs if your son needs to go!"

Tourist mom proceeded to ignore the concerned waitress.  The waitress had to repeat herself several times - each time louder than the last.  A waiter passed by and joined in the futile task of trying to plead with tourist mom of the alternative of (gasp!) using the washrooms in the restaurant for the matter at hand.  

Tourist mom was not only not convinced, she was completely irate.  She complained bitterly on Facebook.

"Those damn ____________ (insert name of foreign country) waiters!  How insensitive and discriminatory they are to people like us from _______________ (insert name of tourist family's home country)!  They knew full well that it was COLD!  When you are COLD, you can't be expected to hold in your WEE!  If my son had to go ALL THE WAY to the restrooms, HE WOULD WET HIS TROUSERS!  THAT WOULD MAKE IT A HUNDRED TIMES WORSE. What's so wrong with PEEING IN A BOTTLE?  I have a BOTTLE IN MY HANDBAG always for this kind of function.  That's how they do it back HOME and NOBODY HAS A PROBLEM WITH IT!"

The restaurant rebutted by claiming that it was unsanitary and gag-inducing for the other people trying to eat their food.  Tourist mom's countrymen/women rallied in support of Tourist's mom's tirade - for truly, IT WAS ONLY PEE IN A BOTTLE.  IT WASN'T LIKE IT WAS POO IN A BOX (although there were probably people in their country doing that too, and that's not a problem either!)

The (Tango) moral of this story?

Nope, there is absolutely no need to "Fit with the Natives", wherever you go - and especially not in Buenos Aires!

Find the cabeceo pesky and mysterious?  Go ahead and drag the milongueros and milongueras onto the dance floor by their ears and hairdos (what I really mean is, just go up and ask them aggressively and don't take no for an answer) to get them to dance with you!

Can't find the time to bathe and put on deodorant or to make yourself presentable at a milonga?  Go in shorts and sweats and fumigate the air with your, olor natural!

Annoyed by all the close embrace dancing!  Liven things up with some good ol' open embrace flinging, jumping and kicking!

Quite content to dance 1) off beat 2) off music 3) without grace 4) without feeling 5) as heavy as truck with square wheels 5) like "embracing" a corpse - because that's how you (and your countryfolk) have been dancing for the last twenty years?  Go ahead!

JUST LIKE THEY DO BACK HOME.

All your Facebook buddies will be sure to support you.  Hooray for cultural tolerance!




Friday, February 15, 2013

Meteor crashes into the Urals - i.e. END OF THE WORLD

Woke up this morning, turned on the computer and this was on the front page of the Toronto Star:

http://www.thestar.com/news/world/2013/02/15/meteor_explodes_in_the_sky_above_russia_injuring_hundreds.html

Here's even more news - it's every where:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/15/meteorite-streaks-across-russian-urals_n_2691904.html

And there's the videos of the meteor on Youtube:



...Scientists all over the world are saying, "Don't panic!  It's only a total coincidence that this meteor crashed a day before that big asteroid is projected to pass REALLY CLOSE TO EARTH (and we promise that it won't hit us!)"

Despite all this reassurance from the "experts", Man Yung had to overreact.

"IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!  IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD" he screamed, waving his arms up and down and running around in circles of unbridled terror (AGAINST the line of dance!)

We should all use this opportunity to dance like there is no tomorrow.  Or at least, dance like there is no-one there (to watch), because if it is "THE END OF THE WORLD", your audience would be too busy screaming, waving their arms up and down like flapping mad chickens and running in circles etc. to really enjoy your "performance".

Maybe it's also time to dance without thinking about fame or profit, and sort of empty your mind and go with the flow and really feel the music and the embrace in your dancing - because a big name and prestige or the pennies you may earn from teaching/performing/swindling tango newbies won't be worth much once you cross over to... TANGO HELL.

Or perhaps, it's time to really cherish what is really important in your life - like, your family and your loved ones and your friends and NOT TANGO.  Yep, skip that milonga and go tell the important people in your life how much you love them.  Tango is only a hobby!  Or worse - Tango is only an illusion!  Or even, even worse - Tango Blogging is a waste of time and effort (stop typing and hug your cats now!)

Good luck to everyone and we hope that you have sufficient asteroid collision insurance!

Some beautiful dancing!

Just want to share with you some wonderful recent performances of our Maestros in Buenos Aires!

Here's Martha and Manolo performing an exciting canyengue for the 10 year anniversary of MoCCA, the association they founded to promote Canyengue:



Martha and Manolo, Roxina Villegas and Marcelo Alvarez, and Laura Collavini and Nicolas Godoy from MoCCA have been teaching special Canyengue workshops all last week in celebration of the anniversary.   Hoped that all who attended had fun and learned lots from the masters!

(And to the people in Toronto who have been asking us about Canyengue - we learned from Martha and Manolo!  If you get a chance to go to Buenos Aires, don't forget to take classes from Martha and Manolo if you are interested in Canyengue because they are the ones to go to to learn it from!)

This past weekend was the weekend of the Misterio Tango Festival - when Man Yung saw the poster and advertisements for the festival, he told me to come and look at all the "big names" right away.  It's like, anyone who is anyone in the world of tango is in the festival!  And guess what, Osvaldo and Coca were part of it too!



2xTango just posted this video of Osvaldo and Coca dancing to Demare at Salon Canning a few hours ago - and Man Yung has been watching it again and again and rewinding and trying to steal more of Osvaldo's steps. 

"Irene, why can't you dance more like Coca?  When she walks, she is tasting the music with her steps...and when she listens, she is listening to Osvaldo listening to the music!"

"Sure, Man Yung - I'll be able to dance like Coca someday!  That is, the day when you give up your "Surprise!" triple enganche triple colgada triple back sacadas combos that keep tripping me up in my stilettos - and dance more like Osvaldo!"




Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Coyote shot dead in Cabbagetown

Talking about coyotes...

A coyote was shot dead by police this week in Toronto's Cabbagetown:

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2013/02/12/coyote_shooting_in_cabbagetown_was_unnecessary_experts_say.html

We think that the police were trigger-happy - in fact, the coyote wasn't "aggressive" as the police claimed, nor was it attacking anyone at the time.  There are many other ways the coyote could have been dealt with without killing it.  It is sad that this coyote was used as target practice by the police. 

Sunday, February 3, 2013

What to do when you encounter an urban Coyote (or other Tango Wildlife)

Although Toronto is quite a densely built-up city, we have often bumped into wildlife in the streets - especially late at night when we are returning home from a milonga.

I guess cats aren't really "wildlife" ... but we've seen lots of those, especially around Dovercourt Park (where La Cachila and Paradiso are held in Dovercourt House) and in Swansea (where Practica El Beso and W.E. Tango are held at Swansea Town Hall).  "Oh my God, I hope we don't see a cat tonight!" Man Yung says often.  We are quite worried when we see cats crossing the road - some of those downtown streets have a lot of traffic.  And what about the hungry predators, or malicious people.  Sometimes cats come up to say hello.  We coo over the kitties like crazy cat people.  "Gooooooood kittyyyyyy!  Go home!  Go home!" we pray.

Yep, go home - before you have a rendezvous with Mr. Car, or Mr. Raccoon!  We see see Raccoons solitary, in pairs, or in "gazes" (I looked up the word, it should be the right one to describe a whole bunch - we saw seven flitting down an alley in the Danforth area one night after going to Palermo).  They aren't frightened of cars or humans (they are in no hurry when they cross the street - maybe that's why there is so much raccoon roadkill) and they are really BIG from feasting on all that yummy Toronto garbage.  They also make strange noises.  One night we heard something like a crow up in a tree.  We shone a flashlight up into the branches to see what it was - and THE HUGE (baby) RACCOON that was making the noise sprinted down the tree and rushed towards us.  We were so startled that we screamed like little schoolgirls and ran away.

Last night, when we en route going home and driving through Scarborough, we were surprised to see  TWO COYOTES.  They were trotting through the hydrofield like, it was completely normal for two wild coyotes to be seen right in the middle of suburbia.  We stopped the car to stare for a few more seconds.  They looked sleek and well-fed and although it is nice to gawk at their natural beauty through a car window, it's a completely different story if you meet a pair of coyotes in your neighbourhood while you are on foot!

 Not Fido, not Lassie - it's Coyote (and not the Wile E. kind)

We think Coyotes are interesting and beautiful animals, but we are still alarmed that they are right in our neighbourhood.  We've read about coyotes attacking pets and even small children in city parks and backyards so we decided to see if there's any information on the internet about what to do when you encounter them.

What luck, our local city councillor Mike DelGrande has some information on his blog!  We are not the only ones seeing Coyotes in our part of town.  He even has tips on what to do to prevent Coyote attack.

"......Wait a minutes, these tips are not only useful in repelling Coyote attack!" exclaimed Man Yung.  "They are also useful for animal control in the milongas!"

It's great that we found this article - because really, what would you do if you are ambushed right in your local milonga by Donkey Kong, Flapping Mating Ostriches, Crazy Chicken Ladies, Fabios, The Creature that is All Arms (and Hands) or perhaps the Whole Zoo all at once?

Substitute "Coyote" with "Fabio" or whatever other Tango Wildlife you find and you've got your answer!

Residents are advised to follow these practical steps that will help to minimize negative encounters with coyotes:

Never feed a coyote or any wild animal. Feeding wild animals is detrimental to the community and to the animals themselves.
*

* The last thing you want to do is to give the impression that whatever they horrible thing they are doing is ok and they can come back for seconds anytime!


Ensure all household garbage is inaccessible to animals.
Place garbage at the curb the morning of the scheduled pick-up.
Consider using green bins instead of composters for food waste.
**



** Be careful of leaving scraps and garbage out and easily accessible - some Tango Wildlife enjoy consuming crap.  You are bound to find an abundance of Tango Wildlife where they play a lot of "innovative" tandas and where the floorcraft can be categorized as "it's a free country, anything goes"! Wildlife feel less ashamed about kicking other people when everyone else around them is kicking just as recklessly - and when loud, pulsating "Gotan" is drowning out the screams of their victims.
 
Remove dense brush and weeds around property to minimize hiding spots for coyotes.
***

*** If there's an orderly, calm dance floor with lots of light (added bonus - people can see each other to cabeceo!) AND the milonga organizers make sure they maintain the serenity of their venue with stern warnings once in a while, you will have less Toronto Wildlife lurking in the corners of your pista waiting to bite other dancers in the ass.

If you encounter a coyote, wave your arms aggressively, make loud noises, and throw objects in its direction (but not at it) to scare it away. These actions teach coyotes to be afraid of humans and this will minimize conflicts. If these actions do not scare a coyote, back away slowly from the animal. Do not turn your back or attempt to run away.****

**** Don't back down from a threat - confront it!  Milonga organizers are responsible for maintaining order in their milongas - if some animal is disturbing the peace, they have to tell the offender to stop, or even kick them out if the warning is unheeded.  The Evil Eye can sometimes work..."No" to dance invitations to dancers who behave badly is also a good deterrent.  "Pretending there is no problem" by turning your back on it (or running away) is the worse you can do - you will only encourage the attack, and then next thing you know, you will find yourself in Tango Hell (with Animals!)




Alberto Dassieu

Loading...

Toronto Weather

Buenos Aires Weather

Twitter!