Wednesday, June 26, 2013

How to drive your man insane

First she drives the men insane with her writhing sexy snake dancing... 

I apologize for the misleading title.  I don't actually have any good advice.  Nope.  Not a clue.

"What do you mean, Irene?" said Man Yung.  "Of course you know perfectly well how to drive me insane.  Like the time you put my favourite sweater in the dryer and shrunk it five sizes.  I also go crazy when you finish washing the dishes but leave all the gunk from the dishes in the sink for me to clean up.  In fact, all the half-assed stuff you do takes me one step closer to the looney bin!  Irene, you are very good at driving me mad!"

That's not quite what I mean.

What I'm getting at is how some tangueras have this magical ability to make even normally docile, ronda-abiding tangueros dance like maniacs with no sense of personal space.  How do they do it?

Just saw some of this in action this past weekend.  The respectable tango professional was usually well-behaved on the dance floor with his lovely partner and with other local tangueras.  You can even say he was the perfect model of tango decorum.

However, this totally changed when he started dancing with some young chica in the daisy dukes from ___________.

It was like a tornado had touched down and was tearing up all the floorboards.

"Wow, how come they are suddenly taking so much space?" said Man Yung.  "It reminds me of something that Tango Commuter once described - 'great centrifugal force...dozens of pointed heels...teeth of a circular saw'?"

The other dancers on the floor instinctively kept their distance from them.  She had driven him insane.

We scratched our collective heads and pondered.

Is it because she is a better dancer?

"That can't be - she isn't better than his partner.  His partner is a professional, you know!" I said.

Is it because she is triggering his berserkery with secret signals?

"No, I don't see any cheesy back-of-the-head caressing or earlobe rubbing.  And it can't be heavy breathing on her part either - their embrace has become too open for any funny business like that.  They are dancing so far apart, it's like they can't even contain the force of their ecstatic spinning with their puny human limbs!"

So, I don't get it.  What is it that some tangueras have, that other tangueras don't?  How can a tanguera turn her partner into a complete dance hazard when others have failed so miserably?

Man Yung, as always, was supportive.  "Irene, I can't move!  I'm only trying to lead you into a triple vertical boleo flying hook kick so you can put a stiletto into his face and stop them from rushing into us.  Stop hanging on to me like a dead weight - you are just trying to stop me!  You are driving me nuts!"

See, I told you!  She turned into a vampire!
(Do you think we could vanquish her by staking her in the heart with my Comme Il Fauts?)

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