Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Dance Popularity Quotient

Are you an astounding dancer but a perennial wallflower? Are you an appalling dancer but have dance partners are lined up around the block for a chance to boogie with you?

Wonder no more at these and other "mysteries" of that "mysterious" dance called "Tango" - take this handy special Holiday Edition quiz to reveal your "Toronto Tango Dance Popularity Quotient"!

1. You are:

a) Male, under 30 (add 10 points)
b) Male, over 30 (add 10 points)
c) Male, Milonguero (add 50 points. You've got that extra-special Tango cachet)
d) Male, "Toronto Milonguero" (add 500 points. No, it doesn't mean you are necessarily as good a dancer as an actual "Milonguero" - not only are you often failing to improvise, you actually delight in doing the "bumper-car" on the dance floor. Your true popularity is all about the laws of geographical supply and demand)

2. You are:

a) Female, under 30 (add 25 points)
b) Female, between 30 - 40 (no points)
c) Female, over 40 (minus 25 points, with further 10 point deduction for every month over 45)

3. Guys, what are you wearing tonight?

a) Clean suit (add 25 points)
b) Sweaty suit (add 25 points)
c) Untucked shirt and baggy pants (add 25 points)
d) Shorts and Hawaii shirt (add 25 points)
e) Pajamas (add 25 points)

4. Ladies, what are you wearing tonight?

a) Cargo pants and tatty t-shirt (add 10 points)
b) Black and red dress with sequins and fringe (add 10 points)
c) Skirts with pants (add 10 points, and bonus 10 points because this is a costume signifying that you can also lead and you will ask other ladies to dance)
d) Something nice and classy that doesn't scream "TANGO"! (add 10 points)
e) Your skirt is so short your butt is hanging out/Your neckline is so low I can see your bellybutton (add 100 points)

5. Ladies, how about shoes?

a) Dance sneakers (add 10 points)
b) Tango shoes, but not 4 inch high Comme Il Fauts (add 10 points)
c) 4 inch high Comme Il Fauts (add 20 points)
d) Flip flops (add 10 points)
e) Barefoot (add 10 points)
f) One shoe on and one shoe off (you are obviously the belle of the ball)

6. Hairstyles for men:

a) Full head of hair (add 10 points)
b) No hair (add 10 points)
c) Balding (add 10 points)
d) Massive elaborate head-turning byzantine comb-over (add 10 points)
e) Toupee (add 10 points)

7. Men's dance skills:

a) Dance to the beat (add 10 points)
b) Don't dance to the beat (add 10 points)
c) Many dragging and leaning movements in your repetoire (add 10 points. Indeed, you must be the head of some Toronto Tango organization)
d) Many ganchos, voleos, colgadas and volcadas in your repetoire (add 10 points. See 7c) above)
e) You don't do "steps". "Steps" are for monkeys. Real men just walk with their eyes closed (add 10 points)
f) Sometimes you trip and drop your partner on the floor (You must be really good to be that fancy. Maybe you are an instructor! Add 20 points)

8. Women's dance skills:

a) No adornments (add 10 points)
b) Many adornments (add 10 points)
c) Continuous ochos (minus 10 points)
d) Spontaneous ganchos (minus 10 points)
e) You unintentionally flip your partner's "little brother" with your knee (minus 50 points)
f) Expressions of moist glistening ecstasy (add 50 points)
e) You unintentionally flip your partner's "little brother" with your knee while wearing an expression of moist glistening ecstasy (For some men, you can add 100 points. For other men, you can minus 1,000 points)

9. My conversations with my dance partners on the dance floor consist of:

a) Neutral chit-chat (add 5 points)
b) Blank awkward stares (no points)
c) Sarcasm (minus 5 points)
d) Mild flattery (add 10 points)
e) Unabashed pandering (add 20 points)
f) "Oh... My... GOD! You're the most AMAZING dancer in the world EVER. I don't even need a Medium! Your dancing totally channels the spirit of D'Arienzo/De Angelis/Di Sarli/Rodriguez/Pugliese etc. I SWEAR your dancing makes me feel POSSESSED!" (add 100 points)

10. Official Toronto Tango Status:

a) Male newbie (minus 5 points)
b) Female newbie (add 20 points)
c) Male veteran (add 20 points)
d) Female veteran (no points)
e) Tango DJ (add 25 points)
f) Tango Organizer (add 25 points)
e) Tango Instructor (no points. Last time I checked everyone in Toronto is an Instructor, so it isn't really that much of an advantage)
f) "Fabio" (add 100,000 points)

11. Bonus Round - "Literary Affiliations". You are:

a) Not a Tango Blogger (no points)
b) A Tango Blogger (add 25 points)
c) The Tango Blogger who blogs for "Irene and Man Yung's Tango Blog" (minus 50,000 points)


Anonymous said...

"expression of moist glistening ecstasy"

You're killing me Irene!

And I must be the belle of the ball, with just one shoe :-)

Elizabeth Brinton said...

This sort of annoys me, being a woman almost 60 years old, sometimes wearing sneakers, more often CIF's , and always dancing. I wear what I want, often low cut becaue I like it, almost always a dress,but it could be something ratty, on a hot day, at the partk, but always perfume, no conversation on the floor, and yes, expression of bliss, possibly, and even with bare feet sometimes. I don't think I fit your "profile". Maybe the bliss makes up for the age. whatever...

Irene and Man Yung said...

Dear Johanna,

I really should work on being more moist and glisteny, all I've managed so far is a "dry bored frown of Wal-Mart contemplation" - certainly not the way to dig myself out of the minus 500,000 points of being a most deeply unpopular and universally disliked tango blogger!

Thanks for all your comments, happy holidays and all the best for 2009!


Irene and Man Yung said...

Dear Elizabeth,

I am very pleased that you are dancing as much as you are, obviously the conditions for followers are not as dire in your community as compared to Toronto. I wrote my "quiz" based on my experience and the experiences of other follower friends and acquaintances in Toronto who are confounded with the mystery of why they get so few dances. More often than not these Toronto followers are lovely people, attractive, intelligent, and great dancers - and all of them outrageously nice and in no way obnoxious or snarky (those would be characteristics I eagerly reserve for myself). But they can sit for an entire night without being asked to dance. They are disadvantaged solely by being perhaps not in the first blush of youth, or perhaps they are unable to bring themselves to offer glowing flattery to leaders, or perhaps they don't belong to the coolest tango "clique", or perhaps due to body type/age/religion/personal beliefs etc., they are uncomfortable with attracting more attention by donning revealing or sexy clothing.

Toronto leaders, in contrast, can dance like bumper cars or orangutans, have appalling manners and dress sense - in short get away with murder - and still dance with any follower they want. Why? Supply and Demand.

I think you have an issue when I make fun of "Face Dancing". Express your bliss if that's what you really feel - I'm only concerned about the fakers. I've already clarified my position in an early post and I won't reiterate again - we can agree to disagree.

You are not being "Profiled". There is no "Profile". There's only my personal bewilderment and expression of outrage at the injustice of it all for Toronto followers...

Elizabeth Brinton said...

No problem,
W are, to be fair, pretty lucky in Seattle, and in Portland with lots of great leads who don't discrimnate on any basisi other than dance ability, as far as I know. You ought to visit sometime so we can argue in person, which we all love here in our tango world. Argue, get real mad, then dance, blissfully, together.
I may be a little sensitive on the age issue, being old, and all. but jeesh people, it is so self defeating. Celebrating every wrinkle!
Merry Christmas

Irene and Man Yung said...

Dear Elizabeth,

It'll be a treat to meet (and argue with) you in person - I hope that the chance for a trip to Seattle/Portland will occur for us in the near future!

As for the question of "age", it's precisely my point that some of the best dancers in tango are those with the depths of feeling and emotion that could only come from life experience. A lot of "good" Toronto leaders tend to go for the pretty/sexy blank slates, regardless of dance ability. Lots of leaders here want to impress on the dance floor by being seen with the newest pretty young girl and what's more, they love to play Svengali. It's frustrating.

I've read your blog and I believe from reading it you are a woman who has lived and still lives her life to its fullest every single day. You celebrate yourself and your life in each moment. It's a beautiful thing and I'm sure it translates into your dancing.

Merry x'mas,


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